Start Again

10.Confidence Overload

Jordyn and I snuck back into my house at around two in the morning. Rosa had left her key under the mat at the front door for us to come in without setting off the alarm. We snuck up the stairs and went straight to bed. As I wrapped myself in the covers, Jordyn snored lightly beside me. I decided to check my phone one last time before putting it off. I immediately got a notification of a message from Jason.

J: Thanks for coming. You made my night xx.

I smiled as I read the message, deciding it best to reply in the morning. As I tossed and turned, much to my resistance, I began to overthink the situation. What did "xx" mean? Was it actual kisses or was he just being polite? Or what if he was hitting on me? Most importantly, why can't I get my feelings and thoughts together?

All the conversations I had had with Jordyn about Jason came back to me, they way she emphasized the way he looked at me and how I looked at him, the way we spoke to each other or passed one another in the halls. I sat up on my bed and held my head. She might have just been right.

I don't think anymore, I definitely have a crush on Jason Johnson.

The rest of the weekend flew by swiftly. It was filled with me eating, watching shows, and texting my gang back and forth. The thoughts of me having any feelings for him other than platonic passed my brain as if it never happened.

Monday morning went by smoothly. Of course the hype from the party had been spreading around to the people who hadn't gone, but I didn't really care much about them. Sure, I had never been to the parties before, but I wasn't really interested in the gossip. Even when I hadn't gone for them, I never really cared for the drama, plus nobody really cared to tell me anyway other than Jordyn.

Lunch came around quite fast. I walked into the cafeteria and was welcomed by the usual nosies of different groups of people talking over and amongst each other.

"Hey guys" I said, sitting at my table and laying my head on Jordyn's shoulder. I got a chorus of hey's from Frank, Katie, and Jordyn. Frank and Katie were being filled in on all the details about the party from Jordyn, since they didn't go seeing as it was their date night.

"So apparently, Micheal and Brenda are official now", she said, pointing to them. Across the room, the football team and other cheerleaders were sitting at the table, Brenda and Micheal, the captain of the football team, sat in the middle, her arms around him.

"Yay for them" I said unenthusiastically, taking Katie's apple from her tray and biting it.

"Yeah, match made in heaven. The two most wicked people in the school", Kate said, leaning forward. "Everyone is going to worship them now, yuck."

"Enough about them" Frank said. "What about you two girls. I've heard some very interesting stories from the team". Jordyn and I looked at each other then at him.

"What do you mean", I asked, biting the apple.

"Apparently, everyone saw you and captain boy reenacting Dirty Dancing" he said, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Superb" I said, putting my head down on the table.

"And they saw you" he said, pointing at Jordyn, "having quite the intense makeout behind the speakers."

"Well, what can I say ", she shrugged, picking up a fry from her plate, but I noticed a small smile on her face.

"You're quite the talk of the basketball team actually. You're a big hit." he said.

This is not at all what I wanted. I hated getting attention, which is why I kept my friend circle small and avoided people. It didn't help that I being a former target for bullying and humiliation, which meant that the attention I got from the basketball team could only make things much worse. The party escalated everything for me, but I can't say I didn't see it coming.