Start Again

23. The Conversation

I waited for Jason at my locker, scrolling to meaningless social media to keep me occupied. I heard sneakers squeaking on the marble floor, making me look up at his beautiful stature walking my way. As he stopped at my feet, he held me close and gave me a sweet kiss on my forehead.

"How did I get so lucky" he asked, smiling down at me.

"You played the lottery" I smiled up at him. Jason held my hand softly as we walked to his car, talking about the game.

"You did wonderful" I said once he finished, opening the car door.

"Really? You're not just saying that because you have to right?"

"First of all, I don't have to, I choose to", I quipped, "and second of all, I mean it. You could even have a real future in the NBA ."

"You're lying, but thank you" he said, pecking my cheek as we both settled into the front seats of the car. As soon as he roared the car to life, his hand reached for my thigh, which I obliged.

However, as soon as he did, Jordyn's words started replaying in my head at a hundred miles a minute.

You're going to have to talk about it eventually.

I watched his hand, his thumb rubbing over the fabric of my sweatpants. I started tapping my other leg, chewing my thumb in thought.

I don't know if I was prepared to hear his answer to if he thought about us having sex. Or if he thought about having sex at all. But seeing as he is a teenage guy, I don't doubt that he does.

Has he ever done it before? This thought made me sink lower into my seat, if that was even possible. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective, and now I wish I never did.

If he had, that would mean that he is miles away from me in terms of experience. Not only that, but who was the girl? When did all of this happen? Do they still talk? Does she even exist? Is there more than one?

What if he did want to have it with me? I personally don't know if I'm ready to jump into such a loop. That would mean that another human being would own a piece of me for the rest of their life and my own. That is a commitment that I'm not sure I'm ready to make, even for Jason, especially since we've only dated for a week. Maybe I was just getting ahead of myself.

"Okay, what's going on, you look like you're trying to solve a global crisis" his voice brought me back to reality.

"Umm, it's nothing really" I said, putting my thumb back between my teeth.

"But it is something" he asked, glancing my way ever so slightly then going back to the road.

"I guess so."

"Well, you know you can tell me anything, you don't have to hide."

"Are you a virgin?" I blurted out. There was a beat of silence in the car as I felt his eyes looking to the side of my face. The silence was then broken by a fit of laughter coming from his throat.

"Stop laughing! I'm being serious" I whined, pushing his hand off my thigh and leaning my legs on the door.

"I'm sorry, but that's what's been bothering you" he asked as he gasped for breath between fits of giggles.

"Just answer the question" I muttered, looking out the window so that I didn't have to face my own embarrassment. It's then that I realized that we had reached my house.

"Nessa" he asked as he killed the engine. I still refused to face him, crossing my arms in protest.

"Baby, look at me" he coaxed softly. The sound of him calling me by a pet name warmed my heart, especially since he hadn't done so before, at least not in a real relationship context.