Start Again

3.New Year, Old Me?

I woke up startled by the sound of my alarm chiming on my phone. I sat up, slightly shocked that I was able to sleep almost twelve hours. I did a quick stretch of my back and picked up my phone, scrolling through the notifications, when my eyes caught a small box at the end of the list of meaningless reminders.

Intriguing me, I opened it, remembering that it was the letter I had written to myself a year back. I skimmed through it seeing as most of it was quite nonsense, but stopped at the last few sentences.

" I hope we bloom to become a better version of ourselves and to be what we really want". I lulled over the sentence, silently re-reading it a couple more times. Have I really achieved this? I shake my head, knowing I haven't.

"Well, there's no time like the present", I mumbled to myself. I put my phone on the side table beside my bed and head to my shower, thinking about what I have or change about myself. Once done with my quick shower, the same thoughts continued replaying in my head as I walked toward the mirror and wipe away some of the mist that had clouded it. I stare at my reflection, dissatisfied. I guess this was a good place to start.

I was constantly reminded by Jordyn how I had been blessed with curves and a gorgeous body, but I always reduced her comments to empty best friend flattery. Staring at my reflection in that moment, I could see my hips accentuating even in my towel, and my chest, though not too big, gave me a hour glass figure. Since the height of my bullying days in my sophomore year, which died down to nothing as new waves of freshmen came in annually, I ran and lifted weights at least twice a week, but it was more for relieving anxiety and pent up emotion than to keep in shape.

Staring on, I move my hair around, seeing as the only thing I had done with it since the sixth grade was attempt to put it in a ponytail, which was always a struggle already due to the natural curls that fought back as I pinned it up. I took out my hairband, and my curly, shoulder length, brown mess sprung to life, almost as if it was begging for a release. I move it around a bit more, wondering how to style it.

I end up wetting it and combing it out, letting the curls rest and frame my face, accentuating my features. I open the drawer on my sink, looking for my contacts. I had always had hazel contact lenses, but never tried them on, which is odd seeing as I always got a new prescription when I visited the optician, but they always ended up sitting in that drawer, unused.

I popped them in, noticing how the hazel colour complements my deep caramel skin. I notice my makeup bag at the end of the drawer, which I only used for special occasions, such as my dad's work dinners. I spontaneously decided to put on eyeliner, not wanting to necessarily tamper with my natural look. I step back from the mirror, admiring myself.

I felt like I had unlocked a new feature in myself I never knew existed. My eyes seemed to shine more. My smile, which had been fixed by braces a year back, seemed to twinkle, almost in a cartoon-like sense. My eyes flashed upon a pair of medium silver hoops that my mum had gifted me a while back. I quickly grabbed them and put them on before I could change my mind.

" I guess that's one step", I shrugged to myself as I stepped out of the bathroom.

I opened my closet door and scanned my array of clothes. Most of my closet was impromptu buys of things I though I may look good in, then doubt myself and just throw it in my closet, never to be worn or seen by the light of day.

I decided to stick with a basic look, seeing as I had already gone quite out of the ordinary with my top half of my body. I went with black sweatpants and white v-neck T-shirt, which I  quickly put on as I checked the time on my phone. As I was putting on my shoes, my phone began to vibrate, Jordyn's number and picture popping up on the screen.

"What's good boo", she enthusiastically chimed as I answered.

"Nothing, I'm just about to leave the house", I said, tying my last lace.

"Well, can you pick me up? My car's going for service today"

"No problem", I say, cutting the phone after a quick goodbye. I grabbed my red hoodie and backpack, running down the stairs.

Rosalina looked up at me as I skip forward to the kitchen, doing a double take.

"Wow, you look hot Nessa", she said, almost doubled over in shock.

"Thanks", I chuckle as I grab a pop tart from her plate.  Who knew such small changes could be so noticeable.

"Who are you all dressed up for", she asks, following me to the door.

"Myself", I smile, picking my keys and kissing her on the cheek before closing his door behind me, headed to the car.

As I pulled up outside Jordyn's house, which looks similar to mine, she came outside, slowing down as she reached the passenger side.

Jordyn, the most special person in my life and my best friend, was blessed with not only a naturally curvy body, which was only emphasized by her short height of 5'3, but she knew it too, and always took note of the glances she got at her beauty, which I admired, and sometimes envied and wondered as to why she would be friends with someone like me. 

"Someone slap me and call me blind, but is that my best friend", she yells.

"Hello to you too", I said as my cheeks reddened.

"Girl, you look fine! I'm jealous", she mumble. I pull her in for a hug as she threw her bag in the back seat.

"I learnt from the best", I smile, kissing her on the cheek. I took a moment to look at her outfit. Her natural curly black hair has been braided back into twin braids. She had on no makeup, her natural caramel chocolate glow shining in the reflection of the side mirror. She pulled on her blue hoodie over her black t shirt, which went well with her white skinny jeans and black vans.

"Can I play the music. I'm in the mood for some throwbacks", she said as she reached for my phone.

"Sure. Just check if I have any notifications first".

"You have one", she says, "it says you have to see Principal Park today about the welcome committee".

"Oh shit, I almost forgot". I gave myself a mental face palm.

"It's all good. It's a chance to meet new people you know. Don't take it for granted".

"I'll try to remember that", I mumbled to myself as I pulled out of her driveway.