Who Would Have Thought

Chapter 8

She was not going to cry. She wasn't even sure why she wanted to cry but she wasn't going to. She had had a lot of fights with Derek and that had been an okay one. Except for they had been getting along and laughing and things had been good. For once she didn't want to hide from him and still they ended up yelling at each other. And now she wanted to cry, which was insane.

Crying did not make sense. She was a doctor, she was Meredith...yes there were definitely times she cried after her and Derek fought. Not often, just when they were really, really bad and they had had a lot of really really bad fights in the past couple weeks. But now the chief knew. The chief knew and Derek had gotten so angry so fast and...now she wanted to cry.

Which she wasn't going to. She couldn't. She had patients to see. And Webber was probably already to kill her and Derek, and if she put off seeing patients because she was crying that would be bad. She had to stop this. They had fought. It happened. He'd apologize or she would apologize and then they would probably end up fighting again. It was their cycle.

It was just a really bad cycle. Because she wasn't going to lose her job over the fact that she was fighting with her attending. Fighting for no good reason except sometimes Derek was such an ass and...she couldn't lose her job over that. So there couldn't be any more fights. She had a year to deal with this. A year to get past the constant fighting and then she'd go be an attending somewhere and leave it at that.

"Meredith..." his soft voice came from behind her.

Fuck. She wasn't ready to see him. Not after that fight. She wasn't ready to see him and talk to him and probably fight again. She quickly wiped her eyes and turned quickly to face him. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Mer..." he sighed, smiling softly. "We need to talk."

"No," she shook her head, suddenly wondering if a random attending could fire her from the program or if the chief had to do it. Maybe the chief was too busy and he had asked Derek to do it. That was a possibility. "I know...I know that was bad and it was the chief and now he knows but we don't need to talk because I'm here. I'm here and I left a lot to be here and I can't just leave and..."

"Leave?" he frowned slightly. "Why would you leave?"

"Because fellows probably get fired for yelling at attendings," she sighed. "Attendings are bosses and fellows aren't and they probably get in trouble and fired for yelling at attendings and the chief saw it and heard it and...I'm not leaving. I'm not. I'll stop yelling, I'll even let you yell at me...well I won't but I'll try and I'm not leaving. I'm definitely not leaving. I have a year."

"Actually...if you want...you have a lot more than a year," he shrugged. "Congrats."

"Con...what?" Meredith frowned, staring at him.

"Webber wants us to stop yelling. Because he wants you to stay on as an attending."

"He..." she breathed, suddenly feeling strangely light headed. "He wants me to stay on? He wants me to stay on as an attending? Here? At Seattle Grace?"

"He does," Derek smiled lightly.

"Seriously? I mean, you're not....seriously?"

"Seriously," he laughed softly.

"Oh..." she breathed, reaching behind her to balance herself against the wall. She was staying on at Seattle Grace. She had kind of hoped, not a lot of hope, Seattle Grace was one of the best hospitals in the country, a top trauma center, it's neuro department was completely...she had hoped. She had hoped but she didn't actually think and it wasn't time for those decisions to be made. But she was staying. She was staying at Seattle Grace.

"Congrats. You deserve it."

"Oh wow," she murmured. "Oh wow.

"Do you need to sit down?"

"No," she shook her head. "No. I'm fine. I just...wow. Completely wow."

"It is pretty wow," he nodded.

"Completely...I mean...wow," she murmured, her head still spinning slightly. It made everything worth it. Leaving Izzie and George and the man she was supposed to marry but didn't and...it made everything completely worth it. Staying on at Seattle Grace was huge and she...she couldn't actually believe it. She was staying on.

"Are you sure you don't need to sit down?" he laughed sofly.

"I'm fine, Derek," she nodded carefully. "I'm...I don't need to sit down. I just...I wasn't expecting that."

"You should have been. You're the best neuro fellow we have."

"I...thank you," she whispered, blushing slightly. "Thank you."

"It's the truth," he shrugged.

"I know but you didn't...thank you."

"I told Webber it was a good idea to keep you."

"You...you did?" her eyes widened. She definitely hadn't been expecting that. At all. She had figured Derek would be begging her to leave.

"I did," he shrugged. "It's the best position you can get."

"It is," she nodded carefully. "But, Derek...I mean, I'm going to take it. I'm definitely going to take it."

"I'd be pissed if you didn't."

"But that could be...I mean, you work here. You're an attending and one day..."

"I'm head of neuro in a few months."

"Oh...for sure?"

"All but a done deal."

"Oh," she nodded carefully. "So you're going to be my boss." Her boss. Derek was going to be 100% her boss. He was going to be running her department and since he was currently not letting her really scrub in on any of her surgeries...this could be bad. It could be really bad. She definitely needed to stop yelling at him.

"Which is why we need to talk," he nodded.

"Because you're going to be my boss and I'm going to be an attending and...I won't take it, Der. If you don't want me to. Well, that's not true. I do want to take it. I do. I definitely do. Because it's Seattle Grace and the neurosurgery department is...but you're here. You're here and we fight and we keep saying it's a year but now it's not and..."

"Meredith, I told you I'd be pissed if you didn't take it. I'm not going to mess with your career," he shook his head. "I want you on my staff."

"You...okay..."

"I think it's the only way we'll stop yelling."

"If we talk," she said slowly. "Except when we talk we yell."

"Yes," he nodded. "Which might be a good idea. Just...yell it all out. And then talk."

"Talk about..."

"Talk about what happened."

"Talk about you leaving me."

"Yes," he nodded slowly. "And you pulling away from me."

"And you working a lot."

"Yeah," he sighed. "About everything. What I did, what you did. Everything."

"You want us to talk. About everything. About the break up and everything before and...everything."

"I think it's the only thing we can do at this point," he sighed.

"And you think it will help. If we yell and talk and...where are we talking?"

"Not here," he shook his head. "Maybe...my place. Or yours."

"You want us to be alone somewhere? No witnesses?"

"I'm not going to kill you, Mer."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite sure," he laughed. "Are you planning on killing me?"

"Um...not today."

"That makes me feel good."

"I'm just saying. I don't want to kill you but sometimes..."

"I know, trust me...I know."

"So sometimes you want to kill me too."

"It's crossed my mind."

"And if it crosses your mind again and we're at your place...do you have neighbors?"

"Well...no."

"So there won't be any witnesses and no one would hear me scream?"

"Mer, I'm not going to kill you."

"You're one hundred percent sure?"

"One hundred percent sure," he nodded. "If you went missing I'd be the first suspect."

"That's true," she nodded slowly. "Still...I'll tell Izzie and Cristina and possibly Alex if I'm going over to your place. I have neighbors."

"Would you rather go to your place then?"

"Either place is fine."

"Whichever you're more comfortable with."

"Both are fine," she nodded. "So we're...we're talking."

"We're talking."

"Okay."

"And we aren't killing each other."

"That would be bad."

"It would be," he sighed.

"But we're talking. About things. So we don't fight and I get to keep my job."

"And we can actually maybe finally scrub in together."

"That would be...you're a good surgeon," she nodded carefully.

"I'm a great surgeon," he corrected. "So are you."

"Cocky," she rolled her eyes.

"Always have been," he shrugged.

"Completely," she giggled.

"Get used to it. You apparently have to keep putting up with me."

"If I could put up with it twelve years ago, I'm sure I'll find a way to put up with it now."

"You loved it twelve years ago."

"I pretended to love it."

"Sure sure."

"It was pretend."

"Of course."

"I actually couldn't stand it but I didn't want to bruise your precious ego."

"You say that now," he smirked.

"You're an ass sometimes," she rolled her eyes.

"Only sometimes?"

"Did you want me to say all the time? I thought we were trying to be nice or whatever?"

"We are trying to be nice," he laughed softly.

"So yes...sometimes."

"Sometimes," he echoed.

"You're doing that thing," Meredith frowned, watching as his eyes softened.

"What thing?"

"The thing with your eyes. You look at me and your eyes...it's weird or...you're doing it."

"Hmm..." he nodded slightly.

"Still doing it."

"I'm proud of you, Mer."

"What?"

"I'm proud of you."

"You're...why?" her frown deepened. Add this to the list of things that she hadn't been expecting today. Derek being...Derek. Not asshole Derek. Actual Derek. Derek from twelve years ago before this had all gone to hell.

"When I left you, you were such a mess I wasn't sure you were going to make it to the end of the year," he sighed. "And now...you're here. You're about to be an attending in one of the best hospitals. You did it. And you did it alone."

"I um...oh," she breathed. "Thanks."

"It's...nothing," he shrugged.

"No, it is...I'm just...thank you," she murmured.

"Has...has anyone actually told you that?"

"Who would tell me that, Der?" she rolled her eyes slightly. Izzie had definitely never said it. And George probably wouldn't think to say it. She hadn't wanted that. She hadn't done this for people to be proud of her it had been...she had to do it. Twelve years ago she knew she had to do it and now here she was and he was saying things.

"Someone should have," he sighed.

"Oh," she looked down at the floor. "I'm...I mean, you were always going to do this. Be you and...it's you and your whole family does this so I can't even...but I'm glad you did. I'm glad you're going to be head of neuro even though that was always the plan. I mean, you knew that. You knew you were going to do it and you always talked about it so saying I'm proud or whatever seems silly..."

"Thanks Mer," Derek smiled gently. "I...it's good to hear that. From you."

"Yeah," she murmured. "So um..."

"So..." he nodded. "Should we...tonight?"

"Tonight is good," she nodded quickly. "I'm off at eight and...tonight is good."

"My place is...it's kind of a long drive but...there's lot of privacy."

"A long drive?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," he grinned.

"You don't live in Seattle?"

"It's...Seattle," he nodded. "Just...if we want to go there, I'll give you directions. You can figure it out."

"You're scaring me a little."

"Mer, you'll love it."

"Okay," she nodded slowly. "We'll go to your place. And...talk."

"Sounds...good."

"Good," Meredith breathed. "Yeah...it's good. To talk and work through things and...because we can't keep fighting. Fighting is...it's bad. Fighting is really bad and you're going to be head of neuro and I'm going to be a neuro attending so we definitely have to stop fighting. Now...ish. And talking, talking will help. Talking helps. It does. Talking...normal people to talk."

"Yes," he laughed softly. "Talking should help. At least it can't hurt."

"You're laughing at me," she pouted slightly.

"I'm not laughing at you," he shook his head. "Just...near you."

"Near me?"

"Yes, near you. But I'd never laugh at you."

"You're cheesy. Still."

"And you still ramble."

"I do."

"Have you met more people that understand you?"

"I..." Meredith bit her lip, for some reason not wanting to admit anything about the guy who had loved her in Boston. Really loved her. It seemed weird and awkward and...she couldn't do it. Because he had understood her, mostly. There had been times when he had raised an eyebrow or two, but he had gotten it. It just didn't seem right to mention it now. "There have been people."

"Good," he smiled. "It's not hard once you catch on."

"Yeah, that's what...people have said."

"Yeah," he nodded slowly.

"So...tonight," Meredith cleared her throat. "Tonight at your place. Talking. Fixing us...or our problems or whatever."

"Yeah," he nodded. "I'm done before you so I'll get directions to you before I leave."

"Okay."

"So we should get back to work."

"We should. I have patients to see. And you have patients to see."

"We do."

"I'll see you tonight."

"See you tonight."

"Right," she nodded, pushing herself off the wall and walking away slightly before turning around. "Oh, and Der?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry that I ran over your cat with my car," she giggled.

"You're the one that ran over Fluffy?" Derek laughed.

"Fluffy?" she giggled again.

"First name that came to mind," he shrugged.

"Oh," she smiled, leaning towards him slightly, her shoulders moving back and forth. "Well, I'm sorry I ran over Fluffy. I can see why you broke up with me. You loved him so much."

"I did," he sighed, pouting a little. "As cute as you are, I just can't forgive you for that."

"I...I know," she nodded, biting her lower lip. "So um...goodbye, Dr. Shepherd."

"Goodbye, Meredith," he nodded.

She turned quickly on her heel and walked away, a smile coming over her lips for apparently no reason. That had been...they had talked without screaming. Ten minutes after screaming a lot they had talked without screaming and it had been...nice. He had been Dereky and she had been herself and it had been nice. And now they were going to talk again. Tonight.

Because she was staying. It wasn't a year, it wasn't just her fellowship. She was going to be an attending at Seattle Grace and Derek was going to be her boss, her actual boss. So they had to talk, they had to talk about a lot of things. Because if they were going to work together they had to have more talks like that, where they could be them instead of screaming at each other.

So they would talk tonight. She would go to his place and they would talk about...everything. Which was a lot. They had a lot to talk about. A lot that she had thought she had gotten over years ago. She thought she had moved on and then she had come here and everything had exploded and...they were going to talk. And talking would be good. This could work if they talked.