𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗲 [ 𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗶 𝗮𝘂 ]

self doubt .39

the boy walked into his bedroom. he closed the door behind himself as he walked over to his phone. he left it to charge on his nightstand while he wrote song after song about nini. he missed her and didn't know how else to cope. the boy picked up his phone and read his notifications.

"nini....?" ricky read out loud as he stared at his phone in shock. he looked up and quickly ran to his door. he made sure it was locked before dialing nini back. the boy paced back and forth across his room as the ringer rung through his ears. he finally heard an answer and stood still, waiting.

it was silent at first before ricky heard a tiny, soft voice. "...ricky..? you there..?" the boy heard nini quietly call out. he felt a huge lift off of his shoulders.

"nini... oh my— you have no idea how amazing it feels to hear your voice again. i've missed you so much. i-i was worried sick about you— we all were. you won't believe how scared we all were and i just-" ricky caught himself. he was talking so much to the point where he didn't even notice nini's sniffling over the phone. he made his volume louder and brought the phone closer to his ear, "how are you? are you okay??"

it was silent again. the girl sighed over the phone, "yes, i'm fine. i just really missed you. i had to listen to your voice again."

ricky smiled and started walk around his room while he talked on the phone, "i've missed you too, nini. a lot," ricky reassured her.

"you did...?"

ricky chuckled and he felt tears start to form in his eyes, "of course, i did, you kidding me? i've been worried sick about you. just hearing your voice has made my week 1000 times better."

"i'm sorry about causing you so much trouble," nini quietly said over the phone. ricky shook his head.

"no... nini, you didn't do anything, alright?" he tried to tell her, "now where are you?? i can come get you so you can come back here and—"

"ricky... i'm not gonna come back....."

the boy stood still again. he scoffed and shook his head, "what? nini ... you gotta come back. everyone is worried about you ... and your fans— they need you... i need you, neens. you gotta come back home."

"ricky... i-i can't," nini stated, "i'm too scared. it's so toxic and suffocating there and i can't take it anymore. besides, you're all better off without me. trust me. you'll see, ricky. you don't need me out there—"

"yes, i do! why do you keep belittling yourself?? you have no idea how terrible things have been since you left," ricky told nini, remembering the huge fight that only happened a week ago. nothing has been the same since. the boy didn't even know where montague and capulet records stood at this point. he let out a sigh and tried to calm his nerves down, "nini...it's not the same without you. i'm a mess and so is everyone else.. seb has been crying nonstop since you've ran away. lewis is too upset to even get out of his bed. kourtney, red, and ej cope by playing your music over and over again. you're a lot more important then you give yourself credit for, neens. i just... i .. i wish you'd see how i see you..."

"everything is always a mess though because of me. lewis even said it himself... my moms tell me that on a daily basis.. even you said that i do nothing but think of myself. well now i am thinking about everyone else! & the truth is that everyone else is better off with me. i'm just a l-liability and maybe things will get better once everyone comes to the conclusion that i'll be missing ... forever or better yet, dead," nini finally said. ricky could tell that she was crying over the phone, even though she was trying to hide it. ricky felt himself crying too. the pain in her voice and truthness behind her words felt like someone was stabbing him in the heart. he didn't know what to say.

"ricky, you deserve someone better than me," nini said again. her words were a bit more clear and she finally stopped herself from crying. ricky shook his head and took in a deep breath.

"i don't want anyone else, nini," ricky softly told the girl, "i want you."

"i'm no good for you."

"you gotta give us a try," ricky explained to the girl, "it can't just end like this, neens. you know that. after everything we've been through, it can't just end like this. give us a shot.. a real one, please?

ricky heard the girl sigh over the phone, "i'm scared to see everyone else. i don't even know what i would say or do if i come back..."

the boy sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. he started walk around his room as he thought to himself, "well.. then maybe you don't have to see them... not right now."

"what do you mean?"

"lemme see you," ricky told nini, "i could come pick you up... wherever you are.. and .. you can stay here with me. no one would ever think that you would be staying at a montague house... i'll act like a complete mess in front of everyone so no one suspects that you're hiding here. i won't tell anyone, not even carlos or gina. i promise." 

"i don't know, ricky..."

"neens.. it's perfect! you can take as much time as you need. you don't have to worry about where you're gonna sleep next, food, running into the cops — nothing. you have everything here and no one will be bothering you, i promise."

"what about your family...?"

"i'll sneak you in. you can just stay in my room anyways! i mean i stay in the guest house so it's not like my family will really be around. you might have to hide once in awhile but other than that.. it's perfect," ricky said with an optimistic tone, "plus... we'll have each other and no ones gonna be around to tell us we can't...so what do you say?"

nini hesitated, "are you sure about this, ricky??"

"yes."

"you can't tell anyone...."

"i won't, i promise," ricky reassured nini.

"okay... i guess i'll come back to new york ... for you..." nini finally said. ricky smiled from ear to ear and felt all the tension leave his body. he nodded his head and let out a sigh of relief.

"this is.. wow... i uh.. this is great," ricky finally said, stopping himself from saying the "L" word over the phone. he heard nini giggle over the phone and started to throw a jacket over himself, "where are you, by the way? i'm gonna pick you up now."

"oh uh.... shit."

"what?"

"you might need to get some gas..."

ricky stopped in his tracks, "nini... where are you?"

the girl sighed, "chicago."