𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗲 [ 𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗶 𝗮𝘂 ]

they'll never know you the way that i do .45

tw // suicide

"NINI!" the girl heard all her friends callout once she got inside her house. she looked up from the floor to see all the capulets running up to her. they surrounded her. the girl looked at every one of them: seb, kourtney, red, ej, and lewis. she's been surrounded by them her whole life yet she couldn't find herself comfortable or safe around them anymore.

she stayed quiet. her thoughts and personality far back in her mind. the girl stared into an abyss as her friends looked at her with worry and confusion. kourtney nudged seb to to talk to nini first since they were best friends. seb was the first to approach the girl. he took the duffle bag from her arms and gave nini an innocent smile, "hey neens, we're glad you're okay...we really missed you," seb softly said to her. he looked into nini's eyes and saw nothing.

nini felt her moms put their arms on her shoulder. she felt her body freeze and looked to the ground. "hey, why don't you guys all help nini settle back in? we'll all cook dinner for tonight, alright?" mama carol said in a kind voice. they all nodded their heads and took nini up to her room in silence.

when they opened the door for nini, she saw how clean and untouched her room was. it felt uncomfortable, like she was never even there before. like she never even existed. they set nini's things on the floor and awkwardly stood around her room as they waited for her to say something. the girl shyly stepped into her room. she kept her eyes on the ground.

"are you okay, neens?" red asked in a quiet voice, "you know ... you can always talk to us about what happened ...?" nini looked up from the floor and at red. she just nodded her head.

nini went up to her bed and rubbed her hand across her bedsheets. it's so soft. they were new. they got rid of the bedsheets she had when she left ricky that night. ricky. all she could think about was ricky.

"do you wanna talk about it ... ?" lewis asked in a quiet voice. nini looked up from her bed and at lewis with a confused look. the boy felt his body freeze. he knew he should've shut his mouth.

"i thought you'd be in california," was all nini could say. lewis just shook his head and looked to the floor.

"they delayed filming because of everything's thats happening ... they kinda wanted things to calm down before i fly down there, i guess," lewis softly told the girl. she just nodded her head and sat on the edge of her bed.

"i'm sorry for holding you back here then," nini simply said.

"you're not holding me back, neens," lewis told the girl, "i would've stayed even if they did start filming. i wanted to make sure you're okay." she nodded her head. they felt more commutable so all of them stepped closer to nini to talk. ej sat next to the girl and put his arm around her.

"are you okay...?" ej hesitantly asked. they looked at the girl as they waited for her to answer. she rubbed her arm up and down and just shrugged her shoulders. kourtney sat on the other side of nini and comforted the girl.

"talk to us, neens. it's us," kourtney reminded her. nini nodded her head and let out a deep breath.

"i'm a liability," nini said. they looked at nini with confusion but stayed quiet as she continued, "i'm too much for all of you. i ruin everything. everything would've been better if i just disappeared, if i was gone. you all would've seen that ..."

seb shook his head and felt his eyes start to water, "that's not true, nini. we love you. why would you even think that about yourself?"

nini looked up at lewis. they made eye contact before the girl looked down to the floor again, "i just know it's the truth."

"so what were you gonna do?? keep running for the rest of your life?" red asked the girl with concern. she looked at red and shook her head.

"i wasn't gonna run away at first," nini confessed. she felt like she was going to cry but couldn't bring herself to. she just felt numb to everything.

"at first ...?" ej asked with worry in his voice. the more nini thought about it the more sick she felt. the girl shook her head and shut her eyes. she couldn't look at them if she was gonna tell them the truth.

"...i didn't wanna be here anymore," nini stated.

"like in new york?" red asked. nini groaned and shook her head.

"no .. here as in .. anywhere," nini quietly said, ashamed of what she was going to say next, "i ... didn't .. i didn't wanna ... be alive."

all of them looked up to the floor and at nini. the girl had her eyes stuck on the floor, afraid to look at their faces. their disappointed faces. lewis felt a chill go down his spine and he felt sick to his stomach. he was trying his best not to break down. seb was the first to start crying. he quickly got closer to nini and held her hand.

"nini ... why didn't you talk to us?" seb asked. the girl shrugged her shoulders.

"i didn't ... i didn't know how to," the girl confessed, "i was scared ... of everything."

"babes, that's never the answer though. you know that, right?" kourtney told nini in a soft voice as she squeezed her tighter, "you have a lot more people by your side than you think."

"was it ricky?" lewis asked out of the blue. nini looked up at lewis and gave him a confused look.

"what are you talking—"

"is that why you stayed?" lewis asked, cutting nini off. they all knew about ricky and nini by now. i mean that's the only reason they found them. nini's dad ratted out the both of them. the grand prize for finding the two them was a lot though, why wouldn't he?

"yeah, i guess so .. "

+

it was the middle of the night. ricky had gina and carlos in his room. they were doing a sleepover after the boys been missing for a week. they all wanted to catch up and be together. there was a lot of crying, hugs, yet still laughs and smiles from the three best friends. ricky was constantly checking his phone for any sign from nini but nothing.

all of a sudden, he heard a knock on his door. he looked up from his phone and at gina and carlos. the two friends fast asleep on the couch. the boy smiled and put a blanket on them before going to his door. he looked through the peephole. lewis.

ricky opened the door and and gave lewis a confused look, "what are you doing—"

before ricky could finish, lewis already pulled ricky into a hug. ricky froze still. lewis was still hugging the boy and started to sob. ricky awkwardly hugged lewis back and patted his back.

"uh .." the boy awkwardly stated, "thanks?"

lewis finally pulled himself together and let go of ricky. lewis wiped his eyes and took a few breaths to calm himself down. ricky scratched the back of his head and looked at lewis for an answer, "what was that for ...?"

"for saving nini's life ... giving her a reason to come home."