𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐨 ||𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧||

sixteen

bokuto waited for the sound of the shutting door before grabbing his phone off the nightstand. iwaizumi had, thankfully, finally left to deliver some papers to his professors and left bokuto alone. not that he wanted him out, it's just that what bokuto was about to do was incredibly stupid and would have been laughed at by iwaizumi.

absolutely mocked, like, iwaizumi would have actually punched bokuto just for this and laughed at him again, maybe tell all his friends and even find akaashi to tell him. what an idiot move, bokuto, sure. bokuto opened up his browser and typed very slowly... "am... i... gay... quiz. okay, this should work" he told himself as he clicked on the very first link he saw. "would you like to check the signs that you might be a homosexual? sure do... not really."

as bokuto pressed on the big green "start" button, he inhaled deeply. not like he didn't know the answer but he needed some sort of reassurance. he needed to know. he had to do this thing. "damn, 30 questions? okay... have i ever kissed someone of the same sex? plenty of times, akaashi and i would make out for hours" bokuto laughed to himself before clicking on the most appropriate answer.

"were you ever afraid to tell your family? i never did... but i guess yeah, i didn't want to tell them about my relationships" bokuto kept talking to himself while answering the questions. "when you see a couple, what do you notice first? hmm..." bokuto stopped to think for a moment.

he never really paid attention to this but he did like to check out male outfits because what if they inspire him to get some new clothing items? so... "i've been looking at other men this whole time?" bokuto asked himself as he clicked on the answer.

"when your friends are talking about homophobic stuff, what do you feel?" bokuto put his phone down. he stared at the ceiling as memories of all the conversation he had come back to his head. he... would agree. he would bully. he would agree with every single word they said and for what reason? he didn't truly like saying that.

the memory of calling a gay person disgusting came back to bokuto's head as he remembered akaashi's face that day. that faithful day. it wasn't a pleasant feeling... bokuto sighed before picking his phone up again, going through various questions one by one, by each question he knew more and more that this quiz was pointless, though.

"have you ever dreamt of being in a relationship with a person of the same sex?...hate to admit it but yes" bokuto pressed the answer and sighed once again. "akaashi would have been a perfect boyfriend..."

as he finished the last question bokuto felt like he waited for minutes before his screen finally loaded, showing him the answer. "homosexual. great." bokuto locked his phone and threw it aside, curling up on his bed to sulk for the next undetermined amount of time before iwaizumi comes back.

"i just don't want to be... him again" bokuto whispered to himself, still hurt by his past and being left alone. "...but i have kotori now... and her friends... so maybe it would be okay?" he kept on talking to himself, his mind reeling with thoughts and possibilities. without any warning, the door opened and iwaizumi strode into the room, clearly happy about turning in all of his assignments.

"you're sulking again," he said as he watched bokuto uncurl and look at him. "what happened now?"

"ok so... i'm not as straight as i thought i was" 

"and? tell me something i don't know"

"what?"

"i told you before, you're not straight"

"but how can you know that before me?"

"gaydar, honey. anyway, i'm getting lunch in the cafeteria downstairs, you wanna join?" iwaizumi grabbed his wallet and looked at the disheveled bokuto who just nodded absentmindedly and went to grab his own. 

now that he thought about it, this was the first time iwaizumi had offered him anything since they started living together in the dorm. normally he would avoid him but now... "sorry for being like that" bokuto suddenly said. 

"sorry for what?" iwaizumi turned to him as the elevator door shut in front of them.

"for, you know, bringing people in the room and being... mean"

"it's fine. at least now you seem more like a person."

"how so?"

"well, for starters, you are actually talking to me. second, you haven't said anything mildly insulting in days - big improvement" iwaizumi listed the things off as the elevator door opened and the two of them walked out, heading for the modern cafeteria. 

now that spring break was basically over, everyone was coming back and the cafeteria was as busy as always. though the nice smell made everything better, and the lunch lady that iwaizumi liked - she was always kind and greeted you, unlike some who just smash food on your plate and complain that you're standing there for one second too long.

"so, like... you really are attracted to men?" bokuto asked as they grabbed their trays and headed towards the empty tables.

"yup. have been for a long time." iwaizumi nodded. the two of them sat down at the table in front of each other. it's been a while since bokuto ate here without being surrounded by people who did nothing but observe and make obscene comments about girls. "i'm not going around announcing it but it's not something i kept a secret too"

"i never knew"

"you never asked" iwaizumi sighed as he looked at bokuto. "are you having a crisis now that you had a realization or are you in shock after finally admitting it?"

bokuto raised his head. what was it? was it realization or was it simply admitting that he was gay and had been for quite some time? is that why he never got with any women? is that why he refused advances of them whenever he could? "i think.... it might be the latter"

"and how does that make you feel?" iwaizumi asked.

"weird. like i'm slowly reverting back to who i used to be" bokuto sighed. "how did you know you were gay?"

"i got attracted to someone a while back. i knew it was weird for me to be attracted to another boy so i never said a thing to anyone, not even to my crush. that was until i saw him here at the university. we actually met at a gay bar again, he looked at me as if i was a ghost" iwaizumi chuckled. "he said he was sad when we lost contact and we became friends again. now... i have a crush on him again" 

"oh, you haven't confessed?" bokuto raised an eyebrow.

"no, i want to build a bond first. can't be hasty with these things" iwaizumi smiled just slightly. "and you? don't you have a crush?"

bokuto felt his cheeks heating up at iwaizumi's words. not that he would deny it anyway. "i... i think i might have. but he's dating someone else"

"well, stuff like this happens too. still, you should at least be friendly with him" iwaizumi looked bokuto in the eyes, clearly establishing the fact that he knew who bokuto was crushing on. 

many things kept flying around in bokuto's head. in the first place was of course the notion that he finally admitted to him being gay. he was... not straight. not the straight man he showed himself to be, no, he was the very same person he used to make fun of. it's all a bit too much to take in. one thing was clear... even if he was to go back to how he used to be, even if he clearly expressed himself, he would never find himself in the dark place again, not like he used to.

he had kotori. he had her friends. and now there was iwaizumi who gave him support. so maybe.. just maybe being himself would turn out okay.

.

.

.

...

finally, good bokuto is back and we can breathe a bit easier.

anyway hope you enjoyed!

see u next time!

-hatari