Black and White (Rin Matsuoka x fem!OC)

46.

The real challenge now was telling Rin about this.

We went to the station again after grabbing something to drink in a convenience store. A guy lend me his seat and I was looking at the window, it was already noon and I was getting hungry.

-Do you wanna eat something when we get to university? - asked Sousuke patting my head to catch my attention.

-Sure, it's almost lunch time.

-Ok, since we have time we could go to the café near my building.

-The one that is always full?

-Yes, it's still early so we'll be able to get a table without waiting.

-Sounds good.

Once we were walking, I realised I was slowing us both down, so I asked Sousuke to go on ahead to get the table for us. He reluctantly went ahead, while I struggled a bit with the crutches. It didn't take me long, but I guess I wanted to be alone for a minute.

It was still a puzzle to me, why I had those panic attacks. Was I really that afraid of the therapy not working? Of not being able to swim again? I was studying sports medicine for God's sake, I should know better, I should know that therapy works, and that perseverance is the key... Why was I stubborn when it comes to me? I was able to convince Sou to finish his therapy, then why was I behaving like this?

Without knowing I had stopped a few meters before the café entrance and tears were running down my cheeks. I was sure I looked terrible, but I kept on walking before anyone could pitied me in that state. I cleaned the tears with the sleeve of my sweatshirt just before I entered the small café.

-Are you feeling better?- asked Sou once I was sat across from him.

-Yeah, thanks- I said without meeting his eyes.

-Now look at me and say that again- he said wiping one last tear.

I looked at him and repeated my answer with a hint of a smile. Truth is I was thankful mostly for him, I don't know what could've happened if he wasn't there. I don't know if I would have been brave enough to go on my own...

Sou tried to distract me by changing the topic every five minutes, it was weird seeing him like this, since he wasn't very talkative. Like ever. But he was trying to make me feel more comfortable, I guess.

When we were finished, he walked me to my building, we heard the first sound of the clock signaling the end of the lunch break right when we got there.

-Please, don't tell him- I said.

Instead of asking who I was referring to, he only furrowed his eyebrows together.

-Noah...

-Please Sousuke

-I know you don't want to tell him anything, but this is a serious matter. He has to know, so that he can help you.

-I know it's a serious matter, but I want to be the one telling him. I just need to figure out how to tell him without freaking him out, so I need time to think. Please.

Sousuke sighed deeply while touching the back of his neck and nodded shortly.

-Okay but promise me you'll tell him- he said.

-What?

-Promise me.

-But ...

-Noah promise me you will.

-Yeah, I promise.

He looked at me as if he were unsure whether to believe me or not.

-Okay then, see you at practice.