Break My Heart (Mew x Gulf)

Chapter 35: And Suddenly

Mew would tell you in a heart beat that he was fine, he'd say that his breakdown was the result of stress and overthinking, that he'd just been overreacting.

Because that's just what it was, he'd gotten his emotions and feelings tangled in a self-stemmed mess. But he had gotten over it already, or that's what he was telling himself.

And he'd like to believe he hadn't been ignoring Gulf because of his non-existent problems either. He had his own life that was keeping him busy, he couldn't be fooling around twenty-four seven.

It's not like he'd completely shut the younger out, they still texted and they'd seen each other since that night, it'd just been when they went out as a group. There wasn't any specific reason for it, that was just how things turned out. Everything was fine and so was he.

Breathing in slowly, Mew's eyes were swimming with emotion, emotions he was trying to suppress, but he knew no matter how hard he tried they wouldn't go away, and that fact only made everything all the more hard.

He sat cross-legged on his bed, all dressed up and ready for the night he and his friends had planned, contradicting himself all the more.

His eyes had been lingering on the beautiful instrument next to his bookshelf, his hands were itching to just pick it up, play it like he had all those years ago, unlike now when it was just left to collect dust.

The guitar really was beautiful, and like most beautiful things it held so many secrets, promises and pained memories. Mew was afraid of it, afraid that if he played it everything from his past would come seeping through the cords and with each note an old memory would come flooding back into his brain.

And yet, even with all those bad things, he knew the good ones would come back as well, the memories from before his life went to hell, the memories that had his heart fluttering and his words stuttering, and that's how he found himself closing the distance between him and the key to his past.

It felt so light in his arms, god, he missed it. He ran his hands over the polished wood, wiping away the dust that'd settled upon it. His fingers brushed against the nylon cords, the sounds it made were out of tune so Mew spent a few minutes fixing it, feeling proud of himself when he was done.

He began to play a melody off the top of his head, glad it didn't sound too bad. After playing the same few notes for a while he mixes it up a bit, quickening the pace and humming lowly.

And suddenly he was sixteen again, back in his room at home and in the same position he was now. Though instead of being alone long arms blanketed his own, wrapping around him as he practiced learning the very same guitar he held now.

The memory was warm and welcoming, it brought back thoughts of better days, or different days.

The memories of warm kisses on cold rainy days, the feeling of another beside him as they lay under thick blankets, even though they had no actual need for them.

Mew hadn't realised he was crying until he felt a tear land on his hand, causing him to abruptly stop his tune. It hurt, the makeshift stiches on his heart slowly coming apart.

Why couldn't things go back to the way they once were?

Why couldn't he have the one thing he wanted. Why couldn't he go back in time and fix whatever it was that he did wrong?

Why couldn't he stop the feelings that he so desperately tried to shun?

***

The air was a little cold, the wind seemed to almost blow right through him, hitting him right in his bones. He walked faster towards the club, wanting the heat that he knew would warm his blushing skin.