Break My Heart (Mew x Gulf)

Chapter 11: Monster

Depression.

An emotion that every human feels at least a few times in their lives, whether it be because of a lost one, maybe because you feel as though you're not enough, like you're a disappointment, or because just don't feel like living anymore because it just feels pointless. Or maybe you experienced it during that emo teen phase. But whatever the cause, we all experience it.

And maybe it was to strong of a word to use in describing how Mew was currently feeling, but he wasn't exacting doing fine either. To put it short, he felt like a monster, he felt terrible.

He hasn't had a drop alcohol since that night and the memory of what'd happened keeps replaying in his head like a haunting mantra, reminding him of what he'd done and it was just too much.

He felt disgusted with himself. Never in his life had he done anything even remotely similar to what he had done to Gulf and it was affecting him to no end. He hadn't felt like this in years, hadn't felt this down.

The memory was even haunting his dreams and the guilt was eating him alive and he just wanted it to stop. But he also knew he deserved it, it was a constant reminder of what not to do when in that kind of situation, he just wished it'd stop plaguing him.

Every time he thought about it, it just made him feel worse and he was starting to think that it would be like this for the rest of his life, the gods' damning him until the day he died for the sin he'd committed. Though if there were actually any gods, he's sure he's already been damned for sometime now.

"Mew, Mew!"

"Huh?"

"I've been trying to get your attention for the past minute already! I even threw a piece of my salad at you for Christ's sake."

"Hmm... Maw?"

"Yeah?"

"Do think I'm a monster?"

The fork that was making it's way towards Mawin's mouth abruptly stops as he looks up towards Mew with a look on his face that suggests that Mew'd just asked him the stupidest question he'd ever heard, only for it to turn into a frustrated one only a moment later as he places his fork down completely.

"Okay, what the hell is up with you? You've been acting beyond strange lately, you've been distant, hardly talking or spending time with us and I'm starting to get worried. And no, I don't think you're a monster, why would you even think that?"

"I, I just... I did something bad and it's just making me wonder if I am really the good guy I thought I was." Mawin shakes his head.

"Mew, whatever you did couldn't have been that ba-"

"But it was Maw, and I can't get it out of my head, and I feel fucking terrible." His voice goes quieter towards the end as he shakes his head.

"Are you dealing drugs or some shit?"

"No."

"Killing people?"

"No."

"Are you in a gang?" Mew shakes his head.

"Then what the fuck do you possibly have to feel bad for. Mew, please don't do this to yourself again, to our friends, to me. Don't let whatever this bad thing you think you did get to your head. I don't want you going down that path again, okay?"

"You don't understand."

"Then help me understand, so I can help you. Mew you're my best friend, heck, you're like a brother, and I can't stand seeing the people I care about in pain. So tell me, let it out." Mew shakes his head, his eyes closed as he runs a hand through his hair.