I am not cute! [ZhanYi FF]✔️With MPREG Special!

Chapter 30

Ever since I was a little boy, I have always tried to understand everything and everyone around me. To understand why some people are like this and others like that. But I never found the answer. To this day, I wonder why there are people who can't just be nice to others.

I read this one saying over and over again and internalized it for myself, " What you don't want done to you, that don't you do to others." That's exactly what I had wanted to say to my mother when I met her. And because only afterwards all my questions, all my hatred, all my blame against her, came back to me, I wrote her a long letter, in which I spoke for the first time, of my feelings and how I had suffered all these years under her and Dad.

And indeed, only 4 days later I received a reply from her. I guess I can consider myself lucky for that, even if it wasn't a long answer. She wrote:

"Dear Yibo,

did you know that I insisted on this name because I loved it so much? I had many discussions with your dad about it, but eventually he gave in. It was never that I didn't love you and your brother. I just didn't know how to show you because I didn't learn any other way myself.

Yes of course when I was a kid I always said when I grew up I would do everything differently. But when I became a mother for the first time, I was completely overwhelmed. Your dad then lovingly took care of Hai Kuan.

I'm afraid I can't explain to you why I was or am like that. I guess it's my nature. The person I just am. A woman who finds it difficult to show feelings, to love and to accept love. A woman who finds it even harder to ask for help or admit that I can't do something and have faults.

From a young age I learned to surround myself only with people who could be useful to me. "Always think about tomorrow." Had my father always told me. That's why I married Henry. Yes, I loved him. But, my heart still always belonged to your dad, the man who was always by my side all these years. I know it's unimaginable to love two people, but that's the way it was.

I couldn't lose your dad or Henry. Sorry if I don't call Henry your dad, it's still hard for me. My heart belonged to both men for a long time until I realized I loved your dad more. However, I couldn't give up Henry because I needed him too. Yes, I know I am disgusting and you are right. But that's how I saw it at that time.

If I didn't love your brother and you, even if I could never show it to you, I would never have confessed the truth to Henry. But after your dad died, and I just couldn't be there for you, I knew you would need someone to love you for who you are and welcome you with open arms.

I knew Henry would love you guys right away. I also knew that you Yibo, of all people, would form a special relationship with him. Because even though he looks like your brother on the outside, he is completely like you in character. And how much Henry already loves you, I could see when you were here in my apartment.

Much sooner I should have brought you and him together. Yes, I should have told the truth then, and let you grow up with him. Because then you would have had a wonderful childhood, like you deserved. But then I would have had to confess to your dad that he is not your father, that I was officially married to Henry and that we would never have gotten along without his financial support. I'm not trying to talk my way out of this, I'm just trying to explain to you how I thought at the time.

Today I regret that at least you didn't grow up with Henry. For you and for Henry, that would have been good. I hope that it is not too late for you now and that you will still have many beautiful years together.

In closing, I want to tell you I think it's great what a great young man you have become. I realize that I have your brother to thank for this, but also, your fiancé. I know that your fiancé's love has made you blossom like this. And I wish for you that the two of you will have a loving and harmonious marriage and that he will continue to be as good to you as he is now.