Between Shades of Gray

IX

*flashback*

"Jennie... hey, why are you crying? Are you okay?" I was sitting at the balcony of our apartment when Lisa noticed me. I smiled at her and wiped my eyes.

"I'm fine. Sorry."

She wrapped her arms around me and softly caress my back which I found so soothing.

"You miss your Mom?"

I nod.

"So bad." I answered her and even how much I try to smile and act like I'm okay, my tears start dripping down my face again.

She pull me a little closer to her chest and all I can do is bury my face in her and let out my emotions. Then I felt kisses in the crown of my head.

"Would you like to visit her sometime?"

"I still have several years to complete my internship, and so I can't now. And besides, I think she was still mad at me for calling off the wedding. My sexuality shocked her because she always thought I was her perfect daughter."

"Hey... You are perfect, okay? In time, she will accept you for who you are. In time, everything will be okay, I swear."

I pulled myself away from Lisa so I could look at her. I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie and flash a smile.

"You are very lucky, you know. Your parents accepted you for who you are. I know my Mom love me but sometimes I wished that she could just be open-minded in things like my sexuality." And then again, my tears start to fall even though how much I want them to stop. Lisa give me a weak smile and I can see her eyes became watery too. She wiped my tears away and cup my face in her both hands.

"I'm here. I'll always be here for you no matter what. I am your family now. I will protect you from people who would try to hurt you." The intensity of her stare made my heart swell.

Unconsciously, I remove her hands in my face and hold them tighter, intertwining them to mine as I lean forward to kissed her in the cheek.

"Thank you, Lisa. And I will always be here for you too. I promise. I won't leave you. You will always be my priority."

"Love you." I said as soon as my lips leave her soft skin.

She smile and said;
"Love you too, Jennie."

And that was the start of us also being affectionate with words aside from our actions. But the words 'I love you' and 'love you' are different in my perspective. And I don't want to give meaning to everything. I am happy with Lisa.

And so contented being friends with her.

*End of Flashback*

***

I remembered those times that I opened my heart to her months ago. She became my pillar, my strength and my happiness. She made me smile and I could never forget those times that we talk every night with or without alcohol, even if we were sleep-deprived because of the unending stories we have for each other. Lisa is a good listener and she always cheers me up whenever I feel down. I feel like her energy is never ending that it also contagious. Her happy and cheerful self can make you happy and cheerful too.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I took a deep exasperating breath, I just finished packing some of my things and placed them all at my backpack. Tears escape my eyes as I recalled her reaction earlier. I did everything that I could to explain but what more could I explain of? She said that I didn't have boundaries, and that hit my heart like an arrow.