Between Shades of Gray

XXIII

*Flashback*

While cooking dinner, I am not sure how I would tell Lisa about Rosé. She is my bestfriend, and I feel like it is her right to know who I date.

Bestfriends shouldn't keep secrets from each other, right? So why am I getting nervous of telling her about Rosé?

The thing is, I know exactly why. I'm just scared to admit.

Because the deeper I bury my feelings for my her, the shallow it becomes when I'm with her. I can't fall in love with a her anymore.

I really fucking can't!

So I need to do the first step. I need to tell her that I'm dating someone. Like now is the time. Who knows? I might elicit a reaction from her before I even go further with Rosé.

Suddenly I heard the front door opens; my heart clenched inside my chest and I feel the need to exhaled a deep breath when I heard her footsteps coming towards the kitchen. I tried to pretend that I'm too busy with cooking.

"Hi Nini... I'm home." She said cheerfully.

My heart beats fast. I always got this feeling whenever I heard her sweet, baby like voice when she's trying to sounds cute.

"Hi. How was your day?" I replied, trying not to let her notice that my voice is shaking.

She sat on one of the dining chairs, and propped her elbows at the table. She smiled at me and that simple gesture made my heart wild.

Oh c'mon you stupid thing!!! Be still! I told my heart.

I concentrated again on cooking, and afterwards with a deep breath, I spoke...

"Uhm, so, I'm dating Rosé."

"Dating? You and Rosé?" She repeats.

"Well, uhm, yeah. We started dating but uhm... you know... it's uhm... it's really new and uhm..." I said as I shrugged my shoulders like it was not a big deal of a news to spill. I didn't even look at her when I said it.

"I'm confused, Jennie." She said casually.

"Look at me." she command.

So I look at her.

"Do you love her? Are you in love with her? I mean, the real thing?" she asked. Her eyes bore into mine.

I think I'm in love with you, Lalisa. My mind said...

Though my mouth really I want to tell her that, I shut it because I can't. As I've said, I think I'm in love with her. But I'm still not so sure. She is my bestfriend and you can't just ruin everything that we build just because I fell in love with her. And somehow I want to know if she feels something for me too.

I sat down.

I have to answer her.

I have to tell her the truth somewhat.

"Honestly?" I began.

"I still don't know how I feel about her." I said admit.

Well I still don't know how I feel about you and Rosé either, I mentally added.

"BUT I like her. We have a lot in common. And will all the interest we shared, I feel like she is my dream girl."

Yeah, it's the truth. Rosé is like my dream girl, the perfect girl. She likes me and I kind of like her too. But being in love is a different thing. Well, atleast in my opinion. I don't know if I'm making a point here.

She looked at me deeply.

"Maybe you will develop feelings when you spend a lot of time together. As you've said, she is your dream girl. You don't need to rush your feelings."