Between Shades of Gray

XXV

My heart beats wildly in anticipation as the medical staff removes endotracheal tube. I can visibly see her suffer in pain when they start to pull it out. She clenches my fingers tightly.

Lisa's parents, Jisoo and Lauren are present with me inside the room as we wait for the procedure to be done.

I was having palpitations as I waited patiently though this kind of scenario should be like one of those ordinary days in my work life but this time, it's Lisa so I can't calm myself down. I saw her mom again on the verge of tears while I was controlling my emotions. After the procedure was done, Lauren as her attending physician walk towards her to physically examine her.

I watch in anticipation as the neurosurgeon performs her examination on Lisa.

"Do you know your name?" Lauren asks softly after a while.

I saw Lisa swallows hard as she looks at me and she was about to speak but her throat was hoarse. She swallows again.

"It's okay. Your throat is dry. But that's fine. Just nod if yes." Lauren said again.

"So, do you remember your name?"

I was breathing heavily while I wait for her answer. Because of my emotions these past few days, I didn't think for a second that it would be a possibility for Lisa to suffer amnesia. She would forget about me. She would-

I look at her and she nods once.

She stares at me for a second but then she looks away. Her parents went to hug her and now, her mom cries. Her father was smiling as he kisses her forehead.

"I'm so happy sweetie. I'm happy that you're okay." He said emotionally.

Jisoo too walks towards the bed but looks sorrowful.

"I'm so sorry, Lalisa but I'm so glad you're finally fine. You scared the hell out of us."

Lisa nods as she looks at her cousin.

I was rooted in my place as I watch the scene unfolds before me. She hasn't acknowledged me yet. She looked at me earlier yes, but something is different. Something is wrong. And it doesn't feel right.

Is she having a selective amnesia? You know, the kind that forget some part of their life. Did she forget about me? Everything about me? Her feelings for me?

I swallow hard as I sit on her bed, "Lisa..." I said, catching her attention. I saw her parents stand up giving me permission to talk to their daughter.

"Do you..." I was on the verge of crying, her answer to my question will make me or break me but I need to know.

"D-Do you remember me?" I ask, breathing deeply and felt scared. I never been this scared in my whole life.

She stares back at me but what hurts me more is that, her eyes were so empty. Like she had no idea who I am.

We were all waiting for her answer.

And the deafening silence fills the entire room. Lisa was still looking at me, it was taking so long for her to answer.

"Lisa, do you remember Jennie?" Mr. Brüschweiler repeats, his hand on my shoulder.

I saw Lisa nibbles her bottom lip as she stares at me.

I lower my head in defeat. She doesn't remember me. What a sickening world this is. Seems like fate is playing with me.

With a deep sigh, I stand up. My emotions overpower my whole being. Now, I have to leave. I have to go. Or else I would break down in front of her. In front of everybody. I can't hold it anymore.