Reid

15

Bryn Reid

"Baby," Spence says as he sits next to me.

"Mm." I hum, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asks softly.

"I'm just nauseous. I might puke, but I'm fine." I answer.

"You sure? Do you want anything?" I shake my head but then an idea pops in my head.

"Actually, can you rub my feet?" I grin up at him and he huffs before pulling my legs onto his lap.

-

"Bye, honey. Love you!" Spencer calls out as I open the front door.

"Love you, too!"

I get in my car and drive the ten minutes to Emily's apartment.

When I get there, she buzzed me in and I make my way to her.

She welcomes me in, stepping off to the side.

"Coffee?" She asks and I nod. Spencer researched some more and discovered that I can drink a small amount of coffee a day without any affects on the babies, so I'm taking that.

"I'm sorry for springing this up on you, I just-I really don't want to talk to Spencer about this. Especially right now because stuff with his mom came back up, and I don't want to bother him more, y'know?" I lean against the counter and she nods, handing me a mug of coffee.

"I completely get it, Bryn. Don't worry about it. Sergio is always here to help if I can't." She grins and I laugh, eyeing Sergios black coat as he rubs against the cabinets.

"Sergio can help with everything." I agree, taking a sip of the coffee.

"So, what has you all worked up, pretty mama?" She asks.

"Um, you don't know this, but I uh had a stillbirth years ago." She nods. "His birthday would have been today and it doesn't help that all of the death anniversaries are so close with this too, so that's one more thing." I answer, tracing the rim of the cup with my fingernail.

"Bryn, you know that Spencer would literally throw someone out the window for you if you wanted to talk to him. Especially about this." Emily says, picking up Sergio.

"I know, I just feel like I'm bringing up stuff from the past and then I get really frustrated at myself and then I have a breakdown." I ramble slightly.

"It's okay not to be okay about something. Even if it's from the past. People say that time heals everything, but it doesn't. It just scabs over and never fully heals and every time you break that scab open, it all hurts again."

"Yeah. Every time I look at the kids, I just think of the fact that there was another before them. All of the if's just go through my head. I know that I'll never forget my baby I lost, but I never expected it to hurt so long afterwards either."

"No one knows this, so please don't tell anyone, okay?" She nods and I continue. "I had a stillbirth, obviously. We, uh- our son had something called osteogenesis imperfecta type ll, meaning that he would not survive long after birth, but he died in the womb and the nurses told us that our son had died. I still had to birth him, but he was in so much pain in the womb because of the osteogenesis imperfecta which caused his bones to break when he moved them. It's just like my family, though. It's been years and years and it still hurts."

"Listen, no one else knows about this that I know of, but my mom died when I was 9. That means I didn't have anyone to take me to the store for underwear, or to be there for my first period, or give me my first bra. It was the little things that always reminded me of her. I still have those small moments."