A chance to love again

XLV

Can

I hide my visa in the crook of her neck and sigh, I smell her perfume, the scent of her skin which for me is synonymous with home and happiness.

- How much I missed you Sanem Aydin -

It's the pure truth, I've missed holding her in my arms like this terribly, I've missed everything about her, her smiles, her funny grimaces, her carelessness and the unconditional love I could see in her eyes and which is now coming back shy but tenacious.

I can't believe we're having a baby, I'll have to get used to the idea quickly because in just over three months it will be here, in our arms.

That night at the hut had not been something predictable, I knew what beliefs she had been brought up with and I had been very careful not to push myself, but that night was something magical and unstoppable.
We found each other again after thinking we had lost each other forever, in that moment everything seemed possible, it was perfect, we had our happy ending and we let ourselves go without thinking or pondering. It is not like me to behave in such a reckless and inconsiderate way, I had never done anything like that with other women in my life, but that was my Sanem, it seemed natural that it should happen and I only realised that I had been very careless some time later.

She's right Sanem, I feel a shiver run down my spine at the thought of how I might have reacted that damn night if she had told me she was pregnant, the way I was completely out of my depth I might have said something I would have regretted forever. It could have been the beginning of the end for us, the end for me having to survive with the regret of losing the woman of my life and my son in one fell swoop.

I'm scared, as I think any new dad is, but I didn't have a single moment's doubt that I didn't want this baby, it was a shock to feel our son's already so rounded abdomen, but immediately my heart began to melt with tenderness at the idea of little fingers and little toes, of dummies and little shoes. Who would have thought that the famous international photographer, ready to set off on an adventure to the Balkans and then to who knows where, would be so delighted by the idea of cots and bottles only a few months later?

I hold her tightly in my arms, my treasure, my everything, my future. I feel the wonderful presence of this being who will be her and me, who will be us more than anything else in the world, pressing down on my stomach as we dance, and my heart cannot help but burst with joy and expectation.

I hear a noise that has little to do with romance and a lot to do with the child who needs nourishment to grow, we laugh together and break away holding hands.

- Come on mum Sanem, I think someone is complaining, it's late and you're clearly hungry, let's go take me to your favourite place, introduce me to this corner of paradise you've chosen for yourself -

Smiling, she takes my hand, my jacket, the keys and leads me out of the house towards the harbour, to a little restaurant with typical tables with red chequered tablecloths set directly on the quay.

We order an excellent fish-based dinner while she doesn't stop talking for a moment, my Sanem is back, always hungry and chatty, enthusiastic about everything around her, amazed by every beauty in the world around her. She is energy and pure joy of living, she is what only she can be, she is the hurricane that has swept through my life, which will never be the same as before, but will be infinitely richer, full of charm and enchantment.

We spend peaceful hours, she tells me about the news of the book she is publishing, about what she is writing now and how she can't wait for me to discover Camogli, and I tell her about my stay in Naples and my friend Matteo.

We stroll hand in hand after dinner, both entranced by the special light that illuminates the pastel-coloured buildings and is reflected in the crystal-clear waters of the port. When we get to the front door of her house, I feel a touch of embarrassment in her, as if she didn't know how to behave or what to say. I hold her face in my hands and look deeply into her eyes.

- For today there have been too many new things in your life, we said small steps to get used to each other again, give me the most beautiful goodnight kiss Sanem ever had, that's all I ask -

He embraces me tenderly and putting himself on tiptoe he kisses me, it's amazing how he can shock me from the ground up even with a simple kiss. It's simply my heart recognising his and losing its beat to catch up and beat in unison, it's love, Love with a capital L.

Love shines in the eyes of both of us when we look at each other for a long time, then I can't resist and I tell her:

- One moment, I don't want to leave you yet, I want one last dance, here in this deserted square I want to hold you in my arms to the notes of this song that sets my love Sanem to music perfectly. Listen to the words, each of them expresses how I feel about you -

I take the phone out of my pocket and start a song that I've been wanting her to hear for a long time, I take her in my arms and with one hand gently guide her to rest her head on my chest as we dance softly.