A chance to love again

XLIII

Can

It takes me a day and a half to finish all the work I had in progress for Fikri Harika, the time to press the send button to send the photos of the latest advertising campaign, and in 10 minutes I have already embraced my friend Matteo, thanking him for helping me in this delicate moment of my life, and I am already on the boat to remove the moorings towards Camogli. I sail all night, sleeping here and there when I can, and I can't wait to be with her, to see her again, to maybe hug her again.

She told me that we would talk when I arrived, but if she has allowed me to go to her I feel that I can be optimistic, I hope that she has decided to give me a chance to show her that I really love her from the bottom of my heart and that I will do everything I can to make her happy.

It takes me about three days of uninterrupted sailing to get there, I couldn't keep in touch with her as my satellite phone is clearly broken and didn't allow me to make or receive any phone calls, luckily I sent her a message just before sailing to warn her that I was leaving and that I probably wouldn't be able to call her during the crossing.

I finally enter Camogli harbour at sunset, moor the boat as quickly as possible and call her.

- Can? -

- Sanem, I'm in the port of Camogli, how can I reach you? -

- Look towards your left, the yellow ochre building with the Caffè Barbieri sign, can you see it?

I follow his directions, find the building, spot the sign and a movement draws my attention immediately above the sign.
There's my Sanem cheerfully greeting me from a small balcony on the first floor of the building.

I get off the boat and run, run towards her, towards the love of my life, towards my future.

Like a new Juliet she follows me with her gaze from the balcony, I arrive below her and look up at her enchanted, smiling she points me to the door immediately to the right of the bar. I go in and climb the few flights of stairs, taking the steps two by two, and then, finally, I see her on the doorstep holding the door open for me.
I look at her captivated by her beauty and her smile, she steps aside to let me in and closes the door behind her slightly embarrassed, I take a step towards her and take her hand to bring it to my lips in a kiss that smacks of unconditional adoration.

She rests a hand on my cheek, stroking my beard as she has done so many times in the past, I close my eyes to savour the warmth and sweetness of that touch that has always enchanted and stunned me, then open them again to stare into hers for a long time.

- You have no idea how much I have missed you Sanem, every single day, every single moment of this long month, or rather these very long months.
I want to ask your forgiveness again, for everything I have done, for everything I have said.
This month in which we have been separated has also helped me to understand many things Sanem, I have understood that I have been selfish and arrogant in imposing my every decision, I have not respected you, I have not allowed you to have any say in our relationship, I have been so intransigent in my ways that you have never felt free to be sincere and tell me things that you knew would upset me and to which I would have reacted badly.
I have done so much wrong to you Sanem, please forgive me, if you give me the chance to do so I will show you that I have changed, that I have learnt my lesson and that whatever happens we will face it together, talking and listening to each other's reasons -

I stop to give her time to reflect on my words, to think if she can do it, if she can really forgive me for what I did to her. She's looking at me with a serious, intense almost worried look, I reach out a hand to caress her cheek as she has always loved to do with me to relax my frowning face when I think carefully about something.

- Are you sure about what you told me Can? Are you able to accept that I might have kept something from you and listen to my reasons before you storm out and throw me out of your life like I was never anything to you? -

- Yes Sanem, I'm convinced of that. I've changed, I've realised many things and something like this will never happen again -

She lowers her head and nods, approaches me, almost touches me so close, looks intensely into my eyes, takes my hands and.... places them on her abdomen.

I open my eyes wide in bewilderment, I can't believe what's happening but it's clearly so, her abdomen is undeniably rounded and taut. I shake my head in disbelief and lower my gaze, the roundness I see with my eyes is confirmation of what I felt with my hands and of which I must take note.

I am going to be a father.

I see her anxious gaze registering my every little expression, obviously worried about what my reaction might be, does she think I might get angry or reject her?

It takes me a moment to process all the elements involved and find the result of the most beautiful operation of my life:

Me + Sanem + shed = child = FAMILY.

I smile ecstatically, grab her by the hips and lift her off the ground to spin around in circles shouting "Eveeeeet, yes yes yes yes yes", she hugs me tightly around the neck and looks at me laughing and crying at the same time.

I'm in disbelief at how the course of things is once again completely turned upside down and twisted by amazing events, I can't be any happier than I am right now, but I have to ask, I can't once again take it for granted that everything is the way I want and desire it to be.

I put her down, take her hands and look her serious in the eyes.

- Sanem, will you allow me to be part of your life and that of the child? I don't want to impose myself, you must decide what you want for yourself and for him or her.

But before you answer, I want to tell you what I want more than anything else.

I followed you to Ischia, then to Naples and now here because, unlike what I told you that night, I would like so much to have a WE again, now it would be an even richer and more wonderful WE, but the decision is yours alone.

If you still need time to think, it's okay, I'll wait until you're sure of what you really want.

I owed it to her, after everything that had happened and how I had behaved I had to allow her to express her thoughts and possibly her doubts, the times when Can decided for both of us and imposed her decisions were over. Now it's up to her to decide what to see in the future.... does she think it's possible that there could still be a WE?