A chance to love again

XXVII

Can

I see her arrive in a jeep driven by a handsome young man, she greets him with a smile and moves towards the ticket office at the port. She is as beautiful as ever, she looks tired and has a sad expression, probably because her friend Osman is leaving.
I am standing in the car park of the port, sitting on the scooter ready to follow her as soon as she moves, I thought that if I talk to her right now she might not want to listen to me and leave with the risk of losing track again. I prefer to follow her to where she is staying to make sure I never lose track of her again.

Osman arrives with his model friend, I see the guy kissing Sanem's hand, once again I find myself clenching my fists in jealousy, my mind knows I have no right to her but that doesn't stop it from incessantly repeating just one word: MINE.

She sits with Osman on a bench talking, they hug for a long time and then say goodbye, she is clearly sad to see his friend leave, she stands on the pier for a long time watching the ferry disappear into the horizon.
At a certain point she moves towards the road and I see the guy who accompanied her extend a hand smiling to help her get into the imposing jeep. Ah Can ah, calm down, you can't expect to punch everyone who looks at her.
I start chasing the jeep which climbs up the maze of narrow streets which characterize this seaside town until it stops in front of the gate of an imposing villa, it is a residence, evidently this is where Sanem is staying.
She gets out of the jeep always laughing at the guy's jokes and disappears into the big gate, I cannot follow her there inside but I see that the building overlooks the beach, I park the scooter and look for a way to the sea.
I go down a series of steps to reach the long strip of sand which winds under the residence, I can't believe my luck when a little later I see Sanem going down to the beach a little further away and going to sit on the sand leaning his back against an old wooden boat.

I stare at her for a few moments, enchanted, as she closes her eyes, enjoying the silence of the sea and the warmth of the sun on her skin, then I pluck up courage and go towards her, it's the moment of truth.
She must have heard my footsteps because she opens her eyes smiling, probably thinking I was someone else, and then looks at me with eyes wide with surprise. She stands up and I see her falter as if she were fainting, I approach her to support her but she stiffens and with a sudden movement she withdraws.

This ration tears at my heart, is my Sanem afraid of me? Is she afraid that I might hurt her again? Without saying anything, she turns around and starts walking towards the stairs leading to her residence. I call her several times, begging her to listen to me, to give me time to talk for a moment. I lengthen my stride and grab her wrist to stop her, I pull her towards me hugging her and holding her against my chest, our breaths laboured we look into each other's eyes. Hers are filled with all the sadness possible, my heart tightens, I've never seen her like this, how much harm have I done to her?

- Sanem, lütfen, can we please talk for a moment? Can you give me a few minutes? -

She looks at me and a flicker of anger appears in her eyes.

- Why, what do you have to add to what you've already told me? Did you listen to me when I asked you to? You didn't even look up at me, like I was invisible, like I was nothing to you. Do you have any idea how I felt? No, you have no idea because the great Can is the centre of everyone's attention, he is the centre of the world, what he says is law, well you said it was over? It's over -

I'm about to counter his words when I hear a voice coming from the top of the stairs of the Residence.

-What's going on? Sanem? Are you alright? -

She pushes me to free herself from my grip and move away.

-Yes Andrea everything is fine, the gentleman was just leaving.

She starts going up the stairs and I'm about to follow her when the young man Sanem called Andrea comes running down and stands between us.
- Dude, I understand you were leaving right? - He says to me in English and I reply in Italian.

- Please, I need to talk to her. Please -

I see Sanem entering a small wrought-iron gate hidden among the vegetation at the top of the stairs.

Andrea looks at me astonished to hear me speak his language.

- You're him, aren't you? You're the guy who hurt her so much aren't you? You've destroyed this poor girl, what more do you want from her, go away and go back where you came from, leave her alone-

Saying this he turns his back on me and goes up the stairs disappearing around the corner of the building.

Damn, once again I couldn't talk to her. I run up the stairs until I get to the small gate where Sanem has entered, it's barred and I can't see anything but trees and bushes beyond the railings.

I go back down to the beach and walk towards the sea, turning towards the residence to see Sanem leaning against the balustrade of what must be the terrace of her flat. I raise a hand to attract her attention, she has definitely seen me but at that point she turns around and enters the house.

Damn, what can I do? I let myself fall on the sand, I feel discouraged by the way things are going, she's as stubborn as a mule but how can I blame her, how did I behave with her? We're really made for each other, stubborn to a fault.

I can't give up, I've come this far and I can't give up now, I'll stay here even for days if necessary, sooner or later I'll manage to convince her to listen to me, I must show her that this time I won't run away in front of the difficulties.

I stay staring at that terrace until the darkness makes it impossible for me to see her anymore, I get up and try to go back up the stairs to the gate in the hope of seeing her leave, I sit there for a while in the dark thinking about how I can manage to get close to her, until I realise it's useless.

That's it for today, I'll come back tomorrow, I'm not going to give up, not this time.