A chance to love again

XLIV

Sanem

- Sanem, will you allow me to be part of your life and that of the child? -

For the first time in our relationship Can puts my reasons, my feelings before his own desires.
It seems almost impossible to believe that he has finally understood that a relationship is made of meetings, clashes and adjustments, compromises and shared decisions.

He asks me if I want some more time to think, I shake my head, the time I asked for was necessary to understand what I want, Sanem, the woman who needs to be loved and understood for what she is, before knowing that I would be the mother of her child she chose me, she accepted me in my entirety and complexity.

I smile at him with tears in my eyes, I bring my hands to his cheeks as I always love to do when I talk to him, I look at him intensely.

- Can, don't you think this is what I have always dreamed of, to be with you, to carry your child and the fruit of our love in me?
That night when we discussed you referred to what had happened some time before right there at the cabin, to that night when I had given myself to you body and soul because I was convinced that at that moment our forever was beginning, that nothing and no one could ever divide us again.
I was already expecting this child but I didn't know it, there were some problems at the beginning of the pregnancy that made me believe I wasn't pregnant, but if I had known and I had told you at that moment what would you have done Can? How would you have reacted? I don't even dare to think about it, that could have been the beginning of the end of what we have between us.
Do you realise how close you came to destroying everything?
Destroying me?

But I know that old Can wouldn't have reacted at all well to the fact that I kept such important news from him for six months, I'm sure of it. I think this distance has really been a new beginning for our relationship, that you are another Can and I am another Sanem. I have learnt that I will never again give anyone in the future, not even you, such absolute power over my life, I have learnt a hard but necessary lesson that has taught the young girl in love to become a woman aware of what she wants and how she wants it.

And I have always wanted you from the first moment, from that stolen kiss in the darkness of the lodge, I am aware that it will be like that forever.

I want you in our son's life, that's for sure, but I also want you in MY life Can, if you want it too there can be a WE again, I have always been convinced that we were kindred spirits, complementary and that our love was special.

Let's start again Can, let's slowly get to know each other as we have become now, show me that you love me above all else and I'll show you that I'll be able to love you in a more mature way, in an absolute but conscious way -

I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss him.

I feel him hold his breath for a moment as he surrounds me with his strong arms, how I have missed the feeling of belonging that only those arms can make me feel!

I bring my hands to his chest and feel the beat of his heart as crazy as mine is right now, it seems impossible that after everything that has happened we are back in each other's arms.

We pull away to look deeply into each other's eyes smiling, we're both happy to have found each other again and our eyes openly confess it to each other, with no more qualms or fears.

- Seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much Sanem -

- Ben de seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much too Can Divit -

I see him suddenly lower himself on his knees in front of me, his face at the level of my abdomen, he puts his hands on them and begins to speak with emotion, I can't hold back the tears when I see him so happy and excited.

- Hey, can you hear me? It's your daddy, I showed up a little late but I promise I'll make up for lost time, you'll get tired of listening to me, you'll see. I am looking forward to meeting you and loving you as I promise to do from now on with your beautiful mother.

I promise to take care of you and her until my last day on this earth, söz, I promise -

He stands up and takes me in his arms again - Söz, promise Sanem, I will devote my whole life to making you happy, you and the puppy that is coming -

I can't stop laughing and crying at the same time, his words are so beautiful and the tone so intense that I feel them caressing me and soothing the pain of this soul still trembling from all it has had to face.

We remain in each other's arms for an interminable time, the sun has now set and the sound of music from the tables in the bar below our house begins to spread through the air.

He looks at me smiling - May I have this dance, Miss Aydin? -

I smile and nod putting my arms around his neck, he hugs me and hides his face in the crook of my neck sighing and starting to sway.

- How I missed you Sanem Aydin -