Make It All Make Sense | Shefani

12

¤Always Be There For You¤

I took off the hat, placing it on the table and trying to mask my disappointment. He didn't want to deal with me, he probably didn't even like me like that. I felt stupid for proposing the idea. I felt stupid for letting my guard down and starting to be myself around him. Was it too much to ask for someone to enter my life that wouldn't judge me on the baggage I now had to carry around?

"Gwen-"

I had cut him off, "it's okay. I understand that you don't want to deal with someone like me. You probably don't even like me like that."

I started to bite on my nails anxiously. I wasn't sure if I should look him in the eyes or not, so I tried not to, but I couldn't help to glance at him when he spoke again.

"I'm not rejecting you," he said, confusing me. So, did he like me? I didn't understand. "I just want to make sure I'm on the same page as you."

I took a step closer to him, giving him an curious look, "what do you mean?"

"I want to know where you are with things. I don't want to push anything on you." He said gently and moved closer to me. He took my arm carefully and stopped me from biting my nails. I looked into his eyes, feeling that connection once again, before looking away.

"The internet probably told you everything you need to know." I sighed out, crossing my arms over my torso.

But he shook his head, laying a hand on my arm. It made me look up at him again.

"I don't follow celebrity gossip. I could care less about what people say about each other because normally, it's not true. So tell me, what do I need to know about you to make this work." He smiled down at me. All of what he said made me tear up, but happily.

"Well, um- don't let anyone know that you know this, but I was a-abused by my ex and that only ended just over two weeks ago." I confessed.

"Is he the one you had the miscarriages with?" He asked gently.

I looked up into his blue eyes that displayed the emotion of disbelief and hurt. I nodded to confirm his suspicions, "I bet you've pieced that together now."

There was still a chance he could leave. I was revealing a lot. I was growing scared that I would lose this very special person because of what is not at all my fault, but Gavin's fault.

Blake sighed, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Looking at the ground and folding into myself more, I shook my head, saying, "I don't know, maybe I did deserve it to an extent,"

I felt arms gently wrap around me and I instantly fell into his safe and protective embrace.

"No, Gwen. Nobody deserves that. Don't let him get in your head," he reassured me. I tried believing his words because I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe that I had done nothing wrong and it was all Gavin's fault, but I know that's not the truth. I had my part in this too, I was the one who made everything worse.

"but... I wasn't perfect. I made him angry and I wouldn't want to do what he wanted and I would still talk to Adam a lot and he didn't like that. I was asking for it."

I wanted to cry at the memories resurfacing, but I held it in. I didn't want them to have to affect me as much as they really did.

"Sunshine," he held me tighter, "you weren't asking for it, okay? And you're amazing in my eyes and definitely in Gus's eyes. She already idolizes you." He chuckled.