Make It All Make Sense | Shefani

11

¤ My New Favorite Thing ¤

Did they expect me to last the whole day? Yes, they did, but thankfully my day became easier than I had thought it would be. When we arrived, my anxiety spiked as I started to feel dizzy again. I knew the bright lights wouldn't help and I wasn't ready to go in. I stopped in my tracks, feeling awkward. My anxiety had won once again. No one had noticed, I was too far behind, until seconds later, Kelly popped up beside me, nearly scaring me.

"Hey," she greeted with her infamous smile, "I didn't think you would be here today..."

I shook my head, fiddling with my phone in my hands, "Nope. I never got a message not to come, so I'm here."

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Fine," I shrugged. At this point, the others had noticed I wasn't following and stopped, Adam going on to greet Kelly. I thought to myself about how that was the most caring human interaction I had had in weeks excluding Blake. It made the urge to smile appear, but still, I wasn't able to muster up the energy to show any emotion visibly.

"Gwen? Are you okay?" Blake asked me. All I could do was nod and mutter out,

"fine."

I forced a tight smile on my face as I walked past him and headed inside. I didn't mean to leave him in the dust like that, but I felt something switch in my mind. Suddenly, I didn't want him to have to know about how I'm struggling or for him to constantly be watching me. I wanted to isolate myself from him, just like I had with other people. His care and understanding were too much for me to comprehend at the moment. Once again, I felt myself wanting to shut the world out.

I found my trailer and went inside, deciding to pass the time by fixing my hair and makeup. I felt ugly and so I dolled myself up a little more to hide all the insecurities of my face. As I finished with putting another layer of lipstick on, I decided on my next move.

I wasn't sure why I felt so angry all of a sudden, but maybe it was because I was still very much hurting. I was afraid of people taking advantage of me again. I was scared that someone like Gavin would enter my life and fuck me up again. So I must have channeled that into anger.

I exited after twenty minutes had gone by, seeing Blake and his daughter, Kelly, John, and Adam sat on the couches. They all looked up at me, John saying hi to me. I said a quick hi back before marching off in search of a certain group of people. I half expected someone to follow, but how stupid was I for thinking that. They didn't care to stop me, they probably didn't want to deal with me in this state although someone should have.

I made my way down many hallways before I found who I was looking for. My fists clenched at my side as I approached, but when I did, I saw someone that knocked the life right out of me. She scared me almost as much as Gavin did at this point because she was his rebound chick - the one that I would like to argue was behind making me feel a like a fuck up long before the relationship ended. I had only seen her in person one other time and it didn't go well. I knew this time wasn't going to go well either if I didn't act fast.

Before I could turn around to head back to my trailer with no trace, she called to me from behind. I hated hearing my name come from her cherry blossom pink lips. I stopped in my tracks, not wanting to turn around and be faced with the freckled ginger. She was unbelievably stunning too and that only made it worse. This was a rub in my face by him. He knew I thought of myself are barely decent most days.

"Come and chit chat for a moment, love." She said, her voice appearing closer. I finally turned around, my body growing tense.

Last time I saw her, she never got too close to me, but now I got to take in her height. With heels, she had about half a foot on me, nearly the same as Gavin. Her hazel eyes stared daggers into mine, showing the underlying tone to this meet up. She was not planning to be friendly and cheery with me.