Make It All Make Sense | Shefani

14

¤ Safe Haven ¤

Saturday, 10:45am.

I had a notepad set in front of me on the carpet where I was sat in my front room. A pen was situated in my hand as I was trying my hardest to come up with decent song lyrics. I was feeling even more stressed each day because my team wanted me to release a new album as soon as possible. I didn't have anything ready for it and I definitely didn't want to use ghostwriters and songs that meant nothing to me. I wanted to write my own songs, at least most of them.

I tried to think back over the past few months and what has happened. I would have writen about how trapped I felt with Gavin, but a part of me was thinking that could possibly back fire. People may have thought that I was playing the victim card more than I already seemingly was.

I could have writen about Blake as well and for a while, I was trying to brainstorm ideas for it, but one idea kept nagging me in the back of my mind.

I didn't want to write about being the victim, about being hurt by him, about how he didn't love me, but it seemed like the only idea coming to me.

"'Cause I remember that I used to love you," I sang softly to myself the line that wouldn't stop bothering me.

There was a point when I thought I loved Gavin, where I would do anything for him out of love and not out of fear, but he ruined that all.

"Never thought this would happen, got to let it sink in, you're gone,"

I never thought he'd leave. At first, I thought he'd stick around forever because I thought he loved me and after everything got bad, I thought he'd never leave because he seemed to have so much fun breaking me down and hurting me. Sometimes, I would still wake up in the night and think that he was still here. I would look around, feeling the fear gripping me, wondering where he was going to appear, until realizing that he was gone.

I couldn't help, but to think that he would come back at any moment. It was hard to believe that he really packed up his bags and left me with my countless injuries mentally and physically.

"Suitcase, bandaids, pulling back out the driveway. You go and I'll stay,"

I jotted down my ideas on the notepad, feeling like I actually had something when my phone went off with a text.

Blake

Hey, thank u for talking to August yesterday and calming her down. She's seemed to really take a liking to u

Gwen

It was no problem. I was surprised she wanted me instead of Adam or Behati.

Blake

I think you two have something special already

I felt myself smile at that.

Blake

Anything planned for today?

Gwen

Working on song writing until after lunch when I have to attend a virtual meeting with some people from marketing. It has something to do with my new album, but that's all I know.

After I sent the text, I put my phone down and glanced back at my notepad. I picked up my pen, tapping it to a steady rhythm against the paper, trying to formulate more ideas, but I was drawing a blank again. All I could think about was my time with Gavin.

Gwen

Are you busy right now?

Blake