If Only You Knew (Troyler Fanfiction)

Chapter 53: Hope

Tyler POV

Even though I'm not the one dying, I can't escape the feeling that I am. The ever present numbness has encased every nerve in my body, and it's all I feel at this point. There is no pain, no heartache, no emotion, just the overpowering lack of feeling that is slowly eating away at whatever life I have left in my exhausted body. I want to cry, but I have no tears left. I want to scream, but my voice has seemingly disappeared. I want to run away, but my legs have me frozen in this spot.

There's a small part of me that is still gripping to the hope that Troye will survive, but my grasp around that farfetched idea is weakening with each passing second. Each moment I spend thinking about him the probability of death grows larger and larger, and at this point the odds are stacked so high against the possibility of life that I don't even know why I'm still hoping for it.

"It sucks doesn't it?" Shaun said softly as he sat down beside me. I saw the faint tear stains running down his face and his bloodshot eyes that held such sadness in them.

I just nodded my head, unable to speak because without Troye to talk to speaking seemed pointless. My lack of response sent us into an agonizing silence, and I wanted to comfort Shaun in some way, but I knew any effort would be in vain because you can't convince someone else it's going to be okay when you can't even convince yourself.

"He's going to make it." Shaun said suddenly, and as his shaky voice said those few words he faced me and I saw the uncertainty in his eyes that made this even harder to think about.

I looked at him and I saw a reflection of Troye, they had the same crystal blue eyes and even though Shaun was much older they both had that childlike sense of humor that I loved so much. Sitting here next to Shaun was like sitting with Troye in the future, and it terrified me that this might be the only experience of future Troye that I'll ever get.

"I love him so much." I whispered, more to myself than anyone else, but due to the silent room and lack of people it seemed like I had screamed it to the entire world.

"I love him too." Shaun said softly and as I saw the tears forming in his eyes I hated myself more than ever. I should have been there to protect him, but I wasn't. I still don't know what happened, but I know if I was there nobody would have laid a hand on my boyfriend.

We sat there in silence, but it wasn't tense or awkward. We were both thinking the exact same thing, hoping for the exact same thing, and if Troye didn't survive I wasn't sure who was going to be more destroyed because of it.

Soon the rest of the family came to join us and I saw the same broken look etched across each of their faces. Sage's makeup ran down her face and Tyde's smile was nowhere in sight. Steele was even more withdrawn then he usually was and Laurelle looked like she was about to fall apart at any second.

A tall police officer followed behind them and I immediately sat up, hoping he would have some information about what happened to Troye.

"Hi, my name is Officer Jacobs. I'm so sorry for what is happening to Troye, but we are going to do everything in our power to make sure whoever did this spends a long time in jail." He said in a genuine voice and I was thankful that at least someone cared about the fate of my boyfriend.

"Do you know who did it yet?" I asked hopefully, I wanted whoever did this to my boyfriend dead. They should be the one fighting for their life, not my precious Troye. He was an angel, but I guess angels belong in the sky and not on Earth.

"That's what I came here to ask you all. We are pretty sure we figured out who did this, but we just wanted to know if you could identify him." The officer said and as he handed us a folder filled with images from a surveillance video of a man in different positions.