If Only You Knew (Troyler Fanfiction)

Chapter 37: Goodbye

Tyler POV

I lied there in my bed, just staring at the empty spot beside me. That same spot where I watched Troye rest his head a thousand times, every single time he laid in the exact same position. He would nuzzle his face into his favorite pillow and pull the covers over his head just enough so that most of his face was covered, but you could still see his perfect pools of blue staring back at you. The blankets would be wrapped around his body so tightly so you could see the outline of his slim figure and you could see his body rise and fall peacefully with his calm breaths. He used to lie there and sing to me when I had trouble falling asleep, his angelic voice filled the room and matched perfectly with his angelic face. But that's only a memory.

Troye wasn't here to lie next to me now. Troye would never lie next to me again after what I did to him. He absolutely hated me and honestly he has every right to. I hate myself too. I hate that I let Marcus come between us, I hate that I chose Marcus over him, I hate that I caused him so much pain, and I hate that I ended out story before it was finished. I remember how he used to lie next to me and make me laugh until I couldn't feel my stomach. I remember how he used to comfort me when I was sad and watch movies with me until I felt better.

I remember all the things we used to do together. Used to. Past tense, because now there was no more us. It was just a distant memory, all because of what I had done.

I remember every detail about our short moments together like that. It wasn't the long road trips or the parties or the special occasions that I remembered, it was the meaningless moments where we were just being ourselves and enjoying each other's company that I remembered. I looked at that empty spot and I felt the emptiness in my chest. I felt like a part of me was gone. Troye was my missing piece, and without him beside me my life didn't feel complete.

I sprawled out on my back and just stared at the ceiling, just thinking about what had happened. In these past few weeks I had found the love of my life but in the process I had lost my best friend. I always said I wanted to fall in love with my best friend, but now that I had and I saw what a toll it had taken on our relationship I began to question whether it was worth it in the first place.

My eyes darted around the room, looking for something to distract myself from the eternal cycle of self-pity. My eyes met the clock on my wall and I saw that it was almost 5. Great Tyler, way to waste yet another day thinking about the boy that you let go.

I dragged myself out of the bed and made my way into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and took some Advil to numb my headache. I looked around the living room and saw it was empty, everyone probably went out and just decided to leave me alone in my depressed hung-over state. I made my way to the couch and turned on the television, luckily Keeping Up With The Kardashians was on so I had something to occupy my thoughts other than the flawless boy who I couldn't seem to get out of my mind.

Just as Scott and Kourtney were in the midst of yet another lover's quarrel I heard footsteps coming from the other side of the room. I quickly turned my head and saw Troye with a jar of nutella in one hand and his phone in the other. Usual Troye, only something was different about his look. Usually he wore sweatpants and an old oversized jumper when he was just being a self-proclaimed explorer or the internet, but instead of sweatpants he was wearing blue jeans and in the place of his old jumper he had on a white long sleeve shirt that said "Ja Feel" on it that clung to his slim figure in all the right places. Instead of the usual beanie he wore his hair was styled into a perfectly cute yet sexy quiff, and he looked absolutely amazing.

"Going anywhere fun?" I called out, my sudden voice shocking him as he almost dropped the nutella jar in his hands. As he regained his balance he looked over in my direction, and once his eyes met mine he shot me a cold death stare and turned away.

"You know you can't just give me death stares forever Troye. You're going to have to talk to me eventually."

He looked back at me with an unreadable expression on his face, I didn't know what he was thinking but I'm sure it wasn't anything positive about me.

"Just leave me alone Tyler." His small voice called out, he was acting like such a kid. He would have to get over this sooner or later, our lives were centered around the same people and whether he wanted to admit it or not he would be seeing a lot more of me in the future at YouTube and LGBT events, he might as well just give up now and forgive me because we both know that's what he's going to end up doing. Unfortunately I said just what I was thinking before I had a chance to realize how horrible it sounded until it was too late.

"You know your being a real jerk. I tried apologizing but you just ignore me and you act like a total kid. Get over it Troye, it was just a kiss and I told him I loved him. I say that to everyone, you're overreacting."

"So when you told me you loved me it was just because you say it to everyone? Glad we cleared that up." He said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"You know that's not what I meant. Stop acting like a 7 year old and just forgive me already. We both know sooner or later you're going to come crawling back to me like you always do so why not just make it sooner and save us both the trouble." Did I really just say that? Oh my God I am the biggest idiot on the planet.

"Sorry I'm acting like such a 7 year old. I guess I am just a kid after all." He said tying to sound cold but the way his voice cracked when he said after all gave it away that he was genuinely hurt.

"I'm sorry Troye, I didn't mean it like that. I don't know why I said it."

"You said it because it's true. I always go running back to you, I always end up forgiving you when I shouldn't. Tyler you have no idea how much I love you, but you hurt me. You lied to me and you treated me like I was nothing when all I did was love you. I can't keep doing this to myself Tyler, I just cant. It's not worth it anymore." I saw a tear fall from his crystal blue eyes and he quickly wiped it away with his sleeve.

"Troye, you know how much I love you. Just give me a second chance and I promise it will be different. I'll be more careful this time."

"What? You'll be more careful to not get caught? You'll be more careful to cover yourself when you cheat on me next time? What more do you want from me Tyler? You've broken my heart over and over again and I've let you. A thousand times I've let you step on my heart and shatter it and just when I get it fixed again I hand it right back to you to break all over again. I'm tired of it. I'm not giving you my heart again. You don't deserve it."

I opened my mouth to say something but my voice was cut off by the sound of a knock against the door. Troye quickly went to open it and as he opened the door I saw a tall muscular man standing in the doorframe. The man extended his arms to Troye and Troye did the same. I felt the jealousy pour through my veins as they stood there hugging like they were the only two people in the world. I was the only one Troye was supposed to hug like that. They broke away and continued just staring at each other, stupid smiles plastered on their faces. I felt the anger start to boil inside of me, Troye was only supposed to look at me like that.

"Who's that?" The man asked as he motioned towards me.

"Don't worry about him Brad, he's nobody worth knowing." Troye said as he walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

I just sat there frozen. The confusion and sadness took over my body and I tried to find the words to say but I couldn't. I couldn't say anything. I wish I had said something because that was the last time I ever saw the love of my life. I guess that was our final goodbye.

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THE END<3

hahahaha jk i could never end a story like that

sorry for the really long time since i updated i was super busy with school and i was super inactive on everything but i promise more regular updates starting now:)

thank yall so much for reading and being the most perfect little nuggets on the face of the planet<3

brb while i rip out my own hair because i hate brad so much because hes not tyler and i just want troyler back together but everything will happen in time my friends

have a lovely day or night and ill see yall hella soon with another update.

stay gucci my friends<3