If Only You Knew (Troyler Fanfiction)

Chapter 3: Guilt

Tyler POV

"D-don't ever l-leave me T-troye, I n-need you." I can barely get out the words I'm crying so much. I didn't know what was going to happen after today but I was sure of one thing, I needed Troye Sivan in my life.

"Babe don't worry, I won't ever leave you." Just hearing these simple words made my heart skip a beat. Shit, why did this boy have to be so perfect? At this point I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my face. But now they weren't tears of sadness, they were tears of joy. I always thought that people who cried when they were happy were the biggest idiots on the face of the planet. I never understood how someone could be so happy the cried, but once I heard Troyes words and felt his warm, comforting embrace I knew. I had never felt this way before. It made me feel alive, it made me feel safe, and it made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

Seeing as I hadn't responded to him, Troye looked up at me with his big blue eyes. Those blue eyes that I constantly found myself getting lost in. Those blue eyes that held so many secrets and told so many stories. But most of all those blue eyes that could just glance in my direction and instantly make me melt. Looking into those eyes washed away all of my fears. No matter how long I stared at them I never got bored. I could spend all eternity staring at his eyes and that's exactlly what I planned to do.

"Ty, are you okay? You haven't said anything in almost 3 minutes. I'm not used to the silent Tyler." He lets out a nervous laugh after he says this. Troye trying to make an awkward situation less awkward is like a penguin trying to fly, it just doesn't work. God I love him and his stupid goofy smile.

"Yes Troye Boy I am doing absolutely fantastic." I say with a little more sass then usual just to prove my point. I mean I know it was my mother's funeral, but how could I not be fantastic when the most beautiful human in the world is sitting right next to me?

Just as he was about to respond the organ started playing and everyone took their seats. At this point I really didn't want to focus on the mass. I don't think, I could bare to hear another passage about death and heaven and all that bullshit.

Suddenly I was taken out of my daydream when I no longer felt the comfortable hand on my waist. It felt like something was missing when Troye moved, like he took apart of me with him. I was confused why he had gotten up until the priest announced that Troye was going to sing the final song before we buried my mother.

The weight

Of a simple human emotion

Weighs me down

More than the tank ever did

The pain

It's determined and demanding

To ache, but I'm okay...

And I don't want to let this go

I don't want to lose control

I just want to see the stars with you

And I don't want to say goodbye

Someone tell me why

I just want to see the stars with you

You lost, a part of your existence

In the war, against yourself

Oh, the lights,

They light up in lights of sadness

Telling you, it's time to go

And I don't want to let this go

I don't want to lose control

I just want to see the stars with you