If Only You Knew (Troyler Fanfiction)

Chapter 49: Promises

Troye POV

The faint melodies drifted through the air, filling the room with white noise that I could barely hear over the voluminous thoughts consuming me. Nothing could calm me down, not the music that would usually be soothing my tense muscles, not the half eaten package of double stuffed Oreos that lay on the table beside me, and not the pencil resting beneath my fingertips, which instead of writing was tapping nervously against the hard oak of the table.

I gnawed on my bottom lip, darting my eyes back and forth between the closed door and my phone screen. As each second ticked by on the clock looming over me I felt my anxiety growing, slowly becoming a beast that was shattering all of my ability to focus.

Tyler. He was the only thing on my mind. He had been gone for almost an hour. It shouldn't take him this long; he was just walking down the block to get coffee and some food. My mind wandered to the dark corners of my imagination where the matter was only made worse with the irrational conclusions I was drawing.

I thought of every possible scenario, and the more I thought the more terrifying they became. I felt my heart rate picking up and my breaths became shorter and more erratic by the second. The familiar airy feeling returned to my head and all the blood seemed to desert my body, leaving me alone to fend for myself.

Just as my body began to succumb to the pressure and the panic penetrated my bones a loud slam echoed through the room. The sudden noise in the room that was previously only filled with the sounds of my own anxious mumbles shook me out of my trance for just long enough to catch a glimpse of the familiar boy standing in front of me, except nothing about him looked familiar.

His beautiful hair was tangled and matted, almost resembling someone pulling at it to the point where it looked like it was going to fall out. His eyes were bloodshot and glassy; tears were still visible in his perfect blue eyes that were shining against the reflection of the light bouncing off the small water droplets. His glasses were low on his nose and his cheeks were a bright red in contrast to the ghoulish pale white that had taken over his face.

"Tyler?" I whispered out quietly, my voice reflecting the broken state of my heart at the sight of my precious boyfriend standing in front of me looking so alone and scared.

He looked up and as our eyes met it was like the single strand of strength he was holding onto snapped. The tears spilled from his eyes like two rivers cascading down his face to his mouth where he was trying so hard to speak, but couldn't because he was choking on his own breath.

I immediately pushed my frail body off of the couch and darted over to the center of the room where he stood sobbing. As I reached my thin arms around his built torso to comfort him he sobbed even harder. He rested his head on my shoulder and the tears were soaking through his jumper that I was wearing, but I didn't care. His arms pulled me closer to him, squeezing me tightly. Almost as if he was afraid to let go.

I didn't say anything to comfort him; I had no words to say. I had no idea what had happened in the past hour that could leave him this broken. The only time I've seen him look like this was the night of his mother's funeral. I don't know what would be able to recreate the pain of such magnitude, but once I found out I was going to do everything in my power to break every bone in the body of the person that made him feel this way.

"I love you so much. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'll never forgive myself." He stuttered out as his lip quivered and the tears streamed down his soft skin.

"Tilly why are you sorry? You didn't do anything." I said softly as I kissed the top of his head in a desperate attempt to calm him, but as my lips touched his skin he pushed me away.