Striker (Christen Press x fem reader)

Chapter 15 | Sanity

Christen's Pov

The memory of me recklessly stuffing my things into my bag as I desperately tried to get everything before someone come walking in, more specifically, (y/n). She was the last person I wanted to see, not because I hate her, but I couldn't bear seeing her heart broken. I have already caused her enough pain, and I didn't need to add on to that.

As soon as I was done, I rushed out of the room and quietly walked down to the lobby. I was about to round the bend, when I heard two voices belonging to Alex and Kelley.

"Jeez, I don't think I can stay up much longer, I'm getting really tired," Alex said in her raspy voice.

"Aww come on Alex, just a couple more hours. I'll help you get back to your room later," Kelley pleaded. I slowly looked and saw them return back to the ball room where everyone else was at. I sighed out in relief, and as soon as the coast was clear, I kept going and soon felt the cold night air hit my face. I gasped slightly at the coolness and called a taxi to have them drive me to god knows where.

I looked out the window as I saw buildings and people pass by. The thought of what (y/n) would do once she realizes I'm gone saddened me. But I have to do this. I'm feeling suffocated and alone more than ever. I know it's silly of me, but not even Tobin could help me at this point.

After an hour of driving, I arrived at a smaller hotel where I knew it would be far enough away from the team's location. As soon as I checked in, I collapsed on the rickety bed. I stared at the ceiling as I pondered at my actions.

God, what have I done? Why did I decide to leave? What is the team going to think of me? What is (y/n) going to think of me?

I knew I couldn't turn back now. I had to take some time on my own to figure things out and if that meant being selfish, then so be it. Maybe (y/n) would understand when I see her again. I know she's a very understanding person, maybe she'll actually agree. No, that's a long shot at most, I can't put everything on hope, I need to stay in the present. Suddenly, my eyes became

very heavy, and soon enough, I was engulfed in my own exhaustion as I have gotten no sleep.

___________

I woke up the next day to the sound of construction outside. I groaned as my back ached, knowing the bed was not the most comfortable thing to sleep on, but it sure beat the floor or the questionable looking couch.

I stood up and threw off my clothes as I took a shower. I welcomed the water hitting my sweaty body, closing my eyes to try to relax, "damnit, why?!" I cursed to myself. My fist threw itself against the tiled wall. Before I knew it, I was crouched on the floor with my knees up to my chest. I sobbed as I was angry at myself for pulling a stunt like this, for being a terrible friend, and for being a coward. I was and still am too scared to face my emotions and reality.

I didn't even have the courage to say it in my head, but now that I'm alone, I can find some clarity. I have feelings for (y/n), and I know she's into girls and I admire how she doesn't let anyone else have an opinion on what they think about it. But I've never come out to the public. The public can be scary, and if you aren't careful, it can tear you apart. I've had crushes on girls before, but I was still young and didn't fully understand what that meant. I would brush it off and not think too deep about it. Until I actually kissed one of my best girl friends and I knew I liked them more than friends.

But she didn't feel the same, and that ended our friendship. It crushed me, and I chose to shut my mouth and close everything and everyone around me. I didn't tell my family, my friends, or my teammates. Call me overdramatic, but she and I were inseparable and from going to life-long friends to strangers can fuck someone up.

I realized I had been in the shower longer than I wanted to and got out to put on fresh clothes. After getting ready for the day, I walked out to a nearby café and sat outside to get a change of scene from my depressing hotel room. I had a pair of sunglasses on to have people not notice me as well. I was in no mood to meet anyone and I hoped by the way I dressed and my facial expression, that was enough of a message to let people know not to bother me.

As I sat with a cup of coffee, I looked around and saw people walking around, a light breeze stirring up the air, carrying the aroma of pastries towards me. On the other side of the street was a park and saw two kids throwing a frisbee at the other.

"Come on Christen, you gotta give a bigger kick!" Said my best friend Stacy. I saw the look on her face as she gave a big smile to me.

"I don't want to play soccer anymore. Can we just go back to making daisy crowns?" I pleaded.

"What's the fun in that when you aren't moving your body? You just sit there and try and tie the tiny flowers together than end up breaking anyways. Plus, the flowers are going to die faster when you pull them out of the ground," Stacy pointed out.

She and my mom always wanted me to play soccer. Every soccer game I would not go near the ball or the other kids. I did not want to be part of that mess whatsoever. But I only played with Stacy cause she was my friend and there was something about her that stood out to me.

"Fine, but we're getting ice cream after," you agreed.

"I see a win-win for me," she grinned. She kicked the ball towards me, and to return it, I actually tried this time and gave a firm pass back.

"See, I knew you had it in you!" She giggled.

The flashback ended as I heard Stacy's voice in my head echo. I looked at a puddle that was under me and saw my reflection. I'm not the same little girl I was back then, and I've come to terms that I'm not straight, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to come out to the public.

I stood up after paying and walked around the area trying to clear my head. I sat on a park bench looking out a large lake in front of me. I wished wherever the team traveled, we made more time to go explore the area. We don't take the time to appreciate the beauty each city holds.

Just then, I hear a grunt near me, and turn to the sound. My eyes widened as I saw the one person I've been avoiding and see (y/n)'s back facing me. She was leaning on the railing and was looking out towards the lake. Just the way I could tell from her body posture, she looked exhausted. She must've been looking for me. She must be desperate enough to come all the way out here I said to myself. I turned myself to face the other way in case she looked over at my direction.

"Why Christen, why did you have to leave? Were we that bad?" I heard her say. I kept listening but it was hard as her voice lowered. Tsk, I need to get out of here. I stood up and started walking away until I stopped and looked back one last time. Seeing her like this broke my heart, and I couldn't help but let a tear escape my eye.

Mustering up all my strength, I turned my back and continued walking further away. I knew I needed to come back sooner than later.

__________

Once I arrived back at my hotel, I felt a sudden rage and threw my phone across the room, "aghh!!" I screamed. I hit the coffee table repeatedly until my hands began feeling numb.

My breathing became short, and I realized I could be disturbing my neighbors. I took several deep breaths and collected myself. I retrieved my phone and sighed out in relief that it was still working.

Without stopping myself, I began packing my stuff in silence. It felt like someone else was controlling my body and I was just a passenger along with the ride. Fifteen minutes later, I found all my stuff in my bag ready to go. I had no idea what the next plans were, but all I knew was that I had to get out of here.