BETWEEN LOVE AND LIES || JAESAHI

Final Letter

Dear Art,

It's been two hours and I'm still finding the right words to say to you through this letter. Thinking of you at this moment makes me already regret what I'm about to do, but I already became numb that I don't have the will to regret everything now. It's such a pity, that Im going to confess to you through this letter only and not on a supposedly surprise planned that I had for you. But let me start this letter to say sorry. I'm sorry if I am the cause of your heartache and pain again right now. Thinking of how broken and shattered you are right now while reading this letter make my heart breaks into thousand  more pieces. And I'm sorry for being this selfish. I'm sorry if I couldn't do my promise anymore to accompany you until you're grey and old. I'm sorry for breaking my promise to hold you and guide you and to be with you until forever. I'm sorry if I am not already there to wipe your tears away, to hold you when you are down, and to cheer you up always. I am so sorry for giving you so much pain that I know you'll carry for a lifetime. I'm sorry for breaking your trust and leaving you this early. I tried Art, I tried and I did my best to fight the demons in my head. I tried my best to fight depression and hold on to the love that I have for you. But my fucked up mind is slowly winning, and I am now losing hope anymore in this life that I have. I want you to know that I will forever cherish and keep the memories that we have together. I will certainly suffer for leaving you this early, but I will never forget those precious things that we shared. You are the love of my life, you are my constant, you are my everything, you are the only reason why I keep being sane in this world full of shit. You are the only reason why I have the will to wake up and go on with my life everyday. You are my strength. Your smile, those precious smile that always give butterflies in my stomach, i will forever cherish it.  And promise me that you will never loose that precious smile. You are my always Art, you are my home. Remember that you are my best time, that if I am given a chance to live again, I will find you and still choose you over and over again. Please leave a happy life, Art. Live a happy life for me. I love you, my best friend, my first and last love. Until we meet again.

-Kevin.

Arthur was crying endlessly on Kevin's bed after reading the note he found on Kevin's bedside drawer. The room was full of Kevin's scent, and Arthur sobs silently. He cried his heart out upon reading the letter. The letter that his dad left for him was already heartbreaking, but the suicide letter Kevin left for him was a thousand more heartbreaking. He was a crying mess right now, and he gasps for air, heart constricting of so much pain. He lay down and bury his face on Kevin's pillow, inhaling the scent that was left on it. He wanted Kevin beside him, he wanted to hug Kevin tightly right now and not his pillow. But he is alone now, and on Kevin's pillow and his scent he can only confide now. He cried and cried, until there are no more tears left for him to shed. He cried, until he got tired of crying and dozed off wishing that Kevin was still there with him right now.

Arthur woke up to someone shaking his shoulder lightly. He didn't opened his eyes, but he was confused for a second on where he is, and when he smelled a particular perfume, he realized he was still in Kevin's room. He grunts and hugs the pillow tightly, ignoring the person waking him up.

"Hey." the person softly called him but Arthur didn't budge, he wanted to go back to sleep and dreamt of Kevin.

"You should get up now. I bought some foods. Your favorite." The person said to him.

"I don't want to eat. I just need Kevin right now." Arthur sniffs and he felt his tears slowly falling again.

The person lay down beside him and hugged him tightly behind his back snuggling on his neck.

"But I'm here right now."

Arthur immediately opened his eyes and quickly face Kevin, looking at him with tears in his eyes. Kevin sadly smiled at him and kissed Arthur's lips, hugging him tightly after.

"You read it again don't you?" Kevin asks quietly.

Arthur bites his lip and hummed in response. He heard Kevin released a sigh and entangled himself from his hug, looking directly in Arthur's eyes while wiping some tears on his face.

"You don't have to hurt yourself like that you know. I'm going to burn that letter later, it's giving me bad memories whenever I am looking at it." Kevin said to Arthur, while looking at him in the eyes.

"But the letter was so damn beautiful, and yeah, it was so damn painful."

"You don't have to read it all over again just to know how much I love you. You know that I love you, and I will never get tired of showing it to you. I will never get tired of making you feel that you are the only person who's worth of my love. You are my rock, you are my strength, and I couldn't even explain my joy and my happiness whenever I saw you smiling, or even just standing in the room to find you already looking at me. My life isn't always easy, but with you, it's a lot more bearable. That I am not afraid anymore to face the storms in life because I know I have you, that we have each other. I will get old and maybe forget about so many things but I will never forget how I fell in love with you for the very first time. I love you so much, yesterday, today and until my last breath."

Kevin poured his heart out infront of Arthur while looking directly in his eyes and Arthur's tears just couldn't stop. Those tragic past that they have, those countless sleepless nights that they had to endure wondering where everything went wrong. Those bad memories and regrets that they both know they cannot change anymore. The pain, the heartache, the almost give ups, the downfalls, everything was worth it. They have each other now, and as they held each other while looking in each other's eyes directly, they knew that both of them are finally home. Arthur gets closer and kissed Kevin. Yes they have been through a lot, but as Arthur thinks back of those times, he thought that everything really happened for a reason. Though the both of them cannot turned back the time and change it, he was really glad and grateful to the gods out there that fate still brought them together. And he too will do anything just for him and Kevin to make things right this time. Kevin slowly parted in the kiss and held Arthur's hands. The hands that he wants to hold forever, the hands that he doesn't want to let go anymore, the hands that he is willing to take everywhere just to show how much he cherish Arthur. He held Arthur's hands and look directly in his eyes with so much love and affection that he feels for Arthur. It was when he looks at Arthur's eyes he realized that he really wants to spend the rest of his life with Arthur, and that he will do everything to make it happen. There, in Kevin's bed while the both of them was lying while facing each other, Kevin asked Arthur the question that he will never get tired of asking because he always love Arthur's answer everytime he is saying yes to it,

"Wanna spend the rest of my life with me?"