My Personal Hell

Friday, February 20, 2015

Today, I had to memorize a french script that I wrote, and I don’t know if this happens to anyone else, but I can never remember what I write. So I was trying to memorize it in PCC, and because Mrs. Lerch is awesome she let me instead of listening to presentations that I don’t care about, anywho I was trying to memorize the script and Maverick kept trying to talk to me, then… I cracked. I started to whisper scream at everyone at my table. One minute I was reading the script next I was whisper screaming at Maverick for talking to me. And I don’t have break downs a lot. I keep the hard stuff either 1.) to myself or 2.) write them down like I am right now. Back to the topic at hand, when Maverick stopped talking to me I started laughing at absolutely nothing. It went into a repeated cycle: Reading to whisper screams to laughing. This went on halfway through class the rest of the class stuff was added. By the end it went: Reading to whisper screams to hitting (I’m not a very violent person so it didn’t hurt Mav very much, I asked) to laughing to crying to sitting there staring at the wall back to reading. Over and over until the bell went off, then I said “Now I know why my parents want to put me in the mental hospital. I just got that.” Then I started laughing again (though it was normal laugh this time not the maniac laugh I did before). Seriously, it was like I had no control over my emotions. I hated it. Then in french, I got stage fright and could only remember the first two lines. I had to walk to my desk to get the third. After that, instead of making myself look like more of an idiot than I already did, I just improvised. I was supposed to say ten lines but I screwed up and only said five. I envy all the extroverts in the world. I’m going to apologise to Mav for hitting him in PCC the next time I see him. I don’t like to text people if I’m going to apologize. I want to do it in person. It just doesn’t seem heartfelt if you just send a text. I like face to face conversation more than anything else because even though it’s awkward at least you can know that their not googling subjects that they don’t know so that they know what it is you're talking about. I’m not saying internet friends AREN’T real, it’s just that I like to see who I’m talking to (but then again I don’t really like cameras (honestly I don’t like anything that shows my reflection accept a mirror) so that might also be a problem). This is why I’m taking Speech next year hopefully that will help me get over the stage fright. If anyone has any tips to get over stage fright... PLEASE HELP ME!!! I honestly don’t think i’ve ever been more introverted in my life