Eliza
I stared at my phone, feeling the same regret I had felt for the last two days. Why had I been such a fucking idiot? I shouldn't have had sex with Miles. I was high and upset and lonely. I just wanted something from someone and sadly I chose the worst two options. Sex and with Miles. It was good in the moment. Or at least from what I remember. I had been very high and could only remember parts of it. I think he was sober though. He had only taken a few puffs of the joint and it wasn't enough for him to not remember anything. What if I had embarrassed myself? That was honestly the least of my problems right now. I had stayed home the last few days, needing to get away from Mr. Stewart, Miles and James. Oh my fucking god, James. If she found out about this, she would kill me. I should've slept with anyone but Miles. He was the worst option, yet I still went for him. And he had said yes.
The dumbest thing he had ever done.
I was starting to have proof that Mr. Stewart's appointments just made me feel worse. I hadn't smoked in a while and as soon as I went to that fucking appointment I started again, slept with Miles and then avoided everything, staying in my room for 48 fucking hours. My mom had started to worry but I had been able to fake a fever which got her off my ass.
Tau had texted me multiple times over the last few days, apparently Miles had hit him up. He originally thought that I had steered Miles that way as a part of our plan but no the fuck not. I never had the energy, or the dignity, to ask Miles why he was talking to Tau. Inside of going down the rabbit hole of regret I decided to stalk August. Which was going to lead to a rabbit hole of other emotions. Sadness? More regret? Anger?
As I clicked through her socials, for the first time since the breakup, the realness started to sink in even more. It had been like a month, but I was still so heartbroken. Why wasn't this pain going away? Her pages were filled with pictures of her smiling on stage or looking down at the mic as she sang with a guitar in her arms.
She looked so good.
And so happy.
And so fucking hot.
She had had 3 shows only so she was just starting out. I wanted to reach out and wonder how she was. But last time I contacted her she had left me on read. And we weren't at the friends or whatever stage. I just wanted her in my arms again. I wanted her to be here with right now. The whole Miles thing also wouldn't have happened if she was here which was another bonus. I thought the Miles thing would help me move on from her but if anything, it made it worse. Now I was missing her even more, and I was missing having sex with her as well.
I heard a knock on the door under the noise of my music in my earbuds and pulled them out of my ears.
"What?" I said back, annoyed.
The door opened and Miles stood there, in sweatpants and a shirt stuck to his sweaty body. He had just had a game, the first time he had played in a month. I felt my whole-body tense and my stomach hurt from all the nerves. He smiled at me and slowly walked over to where I was laying in my bed.
"Don't, I have a fever." I spoke.
"No, you fucking don't. Also, if you do you would've already given it to me. That was only two days ago," he trailed on. Why did he have to fucking remind me?
"Eliza, stop avoiding me. It isn't a big deal." He said and then set down at the end of my bed. I covered my face with my hands.
"Eliza, seriously. We were high, it was, it was just a little moment. Like, playing cards. It was no big deal." He said again and put his sweaty body against my comforter.
