Eliza
When Spencer had left all of us understood. He had gone through so much here and we all could tell that what Elijah did was the tipping point. None of us blamed him for leaving. We understood. And we knew that as long as Elijah was in our lives, he would not be able to stay with us. What Elijah did was humiliating and Spencer had been finally getting better. But Elijah took all of his progress so far back that there was a lot of repeated progress needed once again. I think, well I thought, that was why Spencer left. Because he knew either way he had to start over and thought it would be better to move on with a new environment and a place with less memories of the past. Tau, Perri, James and I all told Spencer, that night Wren didn't show up, that we would go to great lengths to get rid of Elijah, even if that meant letting Wren go. He didn't want that. He was already insecure and embarrassed about all the drama he was causing and told us he didn't want us to hurt Wren, no matter what happens. Now, looking back on that, I think he knew that night that he was planning on leaving, and since he loved Wren so much, he didn't want us to hurt her. But he knew that he was hurting her.
I didn't realize how much I had been crying while reading the letter until I read the last line and noticed all the teardrops on the piece of paper. The longer I stared, shocked, at what I just read, I realized some of these teardrops weren't new. My heart was so deep in my chest cavity and I felt nauseous. I don't know how Wren handled this, especially alone. I was scared to meet her eyes. I just stared at the letter, tears streaming down my face. Although the tears poured out of my eyes like a waterfall, I was silent. I squeezed her hand in mine and finally got the ability to turn to look at her. When my eyes met hers, I realized her face was wet with tears as well. Her nose was running a little and her eyes looked back at me with a deep depression. As soon as she realized I was looking at her she broke into a sob. Her sob made me sob. I grabbed her back harshly and pulled her into me. And we both cried and cried and cried.
The letter provided clarity in my life that I didn't know I needed. So many things that weren't explained before, were explained now. But so many things were now left unanswered. After Spencer left Wren started drinking, a lot. It started with Elijah taking her to parties and she would drink too much. And it ended with her getting wasted every night in her room alone. Three months after Spencer left James found Wren passed out in her backyard. James easily woke her up and put her to bed in her room. We all thought nothing of it, maybe she was bored, maybe she was stressed, maybe Elijah was there earlier, we all knew how much of an asshole he was. But two days later when I showed up and she was unconscious on her bathroom floor and had to be brought to the hospital we knew there was an issue. We never knew the extent to which her pain was. And reading the letter, made everything so much clearer.
Eventually her tears stopped, we had been crying for almost half an hour when she finally pulled her warm body away from mine. She wiped her cheeks with her wrist, and I watched her take a deep breath.
"That's why you know what it feels like to be burdened by everyone's problems," I said, thinking back on our previous conversation. She nodded.
"After that I realized I couldn't get too deep in anything anymore. So I stupidly pulled away completely. I didn't want to disappoint anyone ever again. And I know I did. Time and time again. I stayed with Elijah for so many fucking years. I was so fucking stupid. And I can't reverse any of these mistakes." She said and put her head into her hands.
"Yeah, you're right, that was stupid. It was fucked up. But you were young. You are young. And now you are out of that and can see everything clearer. Everything is clearer on the outside. Wren, if you don't mind me asking, why did you stay with Elijah after everything went down?" I asked, very curious. I had always known what made her stay with Elijah and just assumed it was because Spencer was already gone, and she didn't want to lose two people. But she chose Elijah before Spencer even left.
