g.s. ; ENIGMA - ( 12 )
WARNINGS ; none.
everything stays - OLIVIA OLSON
( 1:34 )
⎯
the bed was empty, i could tell that much.
even if she didn't blame me, i still felt like it was my fault. i had been the one to force all my feelings on her in the first place, so i couldn't blame her for feeling free enough to return them.
i wanted to hold her tightly and tell her that everything would be okay. i would tell her how much i hated to see her cry, and how, if and whenever she needed it, i'd be there to comfort her in less than a moment's notice.
i had fallen so hard for her, and so quickly too. maybe it was my mistake, choosing not to exorcise her the moment that i saw her. but if i had, i wouldn't have even felt half of what she made me feel.
every day that she smiled up at me, or that her face turned pink when i made a comment was another day that i was glad that i broke the rules.
the nights where i could fall asleep beside her and then could tell when she moved closer. or the evenings when i was able to to touch her skin under my clothes that she wore.
i was obsessed. she had been my one and only addiction, and i couldn't help but take pride in it. i took pride in her.
the only thing that i regreted was not telling her how i truly felt before she left. she gave me the chance to, but i blew it instead.
i remembered how she introduced herself to nanami as a friend of mine, and how i felt like that wasn't right. it was how i felt like, if anything, i wanted to be able to introduce her as mine, just as i wanted her as such.
"for how long did you plan to lay in bed before someone asked what was wrong?"
a gentle knock came from outside my bedroom door, and a familiar voice, albiet muffled, spoke to me through the white wood.
"i wasn't waiting for anyone to ask me anything, nanami."
i rolled over in bed to stare out my window.
nanami leaned against my doorway, pitifully staring down at me.
i grimaced and pulled the thick comforter over my head, hoping to hide away from his incriminating gaze.
nanami scowled, walking in and ripping the blankets off of me.
"you were pouting," he said.
"i don't pout," i denied once more.
"you definitely do."
nanami walked throughout my room, all the way over to my window, beginning to pull on the drawstrings to open them.
as soon as they were pulled back up, i squinted and looked away.
"close them," i strictly said, though i didn't mean to sound so demanding.
"it's ten in the morning," my blonde friend argued.
"she liked them closed," i whispered to myself.
i failed to realize that i was beginning to wear my heart on my sleeve, and my saddening expression was very much visible to nanami.
the thought that y/n was quickly drifting away from me to the point where the little changes that she made in my home were beginning to go back to normal only made me feel worse.
