✔️ Body and Mind

Oh, Canada

After more than a month of just resting and having absolutely nothing to do other than letting himself be consumed with hopelessness, Yuzuru was happy to be finally back in Toronto. He was nervously sitting in the car, fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve, hoping that maybe she will somehow be standing in front of his flat when they arrive. Or at least a note at the door.

But there was nothing.

He could now go about without his clutches but he still asked the driver to help them with the bags up, so his mum would not have to carry any. And once he got into the flat, he aimed for his room right away and closed the door.

He sat down on his bed, taking a deep inhale, hoping to at least catch a little bit of the scent of her shampoo but it was all gone.

Everything was as he left it, only that without her here it felt completely different.

Yet at least now when he was back, his hope started to return as he had more ways of contacting her, and she of contacting him. Even though he doubted it from her part.
Yuzuru still remembered her angry face when she was on that call, probably somehow getting a confirmation that he cut her out. But would she even know why?
He had recorded the stream and watched it already hundred times, still getting no clue of how much she actually knew. Only that whatever she was told, hurt her.

While in Japan he was still trying to find out if she maybe managed to reach his former PR team but they declined that it was them who she spoke on the phone with. The same went for his agent and his coaches. It was still a mystery to him, but his main focus was now on trying to find out where she actually moved and if she is still there or if she is already in Switzerland and forgot about him.

Yuzuru took off his beaded bracelet still wrapped with the blue ribbon and started to play with it in his hand.

He decided that first thing tomorrow morning he will go to TCC to speak with Brian and see if she maybe tried to stop by and then worse possible option, going to Rachel.
Just the thought of going back to that flat and actually seeing Rachel again made him shiver in anger. He threw the bracelet on the table, next to a pile of his study books, and noticed one ivory book being within the pile.
Yuzuru immediately pulled it out, seeing that it's the Jane Eyre manuscript he got her.
He fell down on the bed, sad to see that now she has nothing to remind her of him. He then opened the book and leafed through the pages like she did when she first opened it. A small smile formed on his lips as he recalled her kicking her feet in happiness exactly in the same spot where he was now lying. Yuzuru then noticed a note among one of the pages. He opened the book there and realized that it was not a note, but a printout of the photo he took of them together.
He sighed and hung his head, just seeing that photo making the memories alive again. Her firmly closed eyes and blushing cheeks, as she was trying to hide her embarrassed face in his chest.
Yuzuru raised his head again, plucking up the courage to look at it again. His eyes then fell on the passage she was quoting him.

"I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I'm afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I'd take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you'd forget me."

Yuzuru buried his face in the pillow, soaking it with his tears and hoping that Anya would have remembered what he said to her right after. That he would never forget her.
But what about her? Would she? Would her string snap from such a long time apart? Almost two months without any contact? Yuzuru felt as it was now him, who was bleeding inwardly.

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Once he somewhat calmed down, he got up and went to unpack, putting all of the books he brought with him from Japan on the table, making a small pile. There were various books about the psychology of professional athletes, then how to mentally prepare for competitions, and last, but definitely not least books about chess for beginners and intermediate players. He then put the Jane Eyre book right on top of that pile.