If I Awake

Chapter 18

Hearts beating, hands are sweating, bodies are shaking and tears filling in our eyes. And the only thing the doctor has said is "Actually." How is one word so powerful in a moment like this one, actually. Actually, it could only mean two things.

"She's okay, she has a few broken ribs and her leg and arm is broken but she survived. She's going to be just fine." I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding.

"When can we see her?" My father asks.

"You can see her now, imidiate family only, but she may still be sleeping from surgery."

"Thank you so much sir." My father hugs the doctor and then we all talk about the order of seeing my mother. Grandma first or else she'll flip shit, then dad, the my mom's brother and then me and then whoever else. I didn't hear who's going after me because I was worried about when I'd get to see her.

Grandma takes forver it feels like, dad tried to hurry but was in there longer than grandma. He only wanted to hurry so I could go in and see her. My uncle went and now it's my turn, Harry kisses my cheek and tells me to tell my mom he loves her. 

Walking down the hall to her room felt like miles, my heart was pounding I had no one what to expect when I went in. Will she look different? Will she have a tube down her throat to help her breathe? I'm nervous but at the same time I just wanna get into the room and see her. I walk in and there she lays, she still looks like my beautiful mom.

She has her broken leg in a cast propped up  and her arm is in a cast laying across her stomach. She still looks like my mom, she only has a few bruises on her face but not to many. Her hair still holding its wave and cheeks even look a little flushed like usual. 

"Mommy." I say as I hold her hand and bring it to my lips and kiss it. I feel myself beging to cry, I hate that she's in here. I want her at home with us and laughing with us, I want to see her smile. 

"I'm sorry mommy, I'm so sorry. I love you so much, I do I love you mommy. I promise I'll help you around the house more, whatever you want okay? I promise mommy. Harry told me to tell you he loves you, grandma isn't to fond of him and I. But then again who is grandma actually fond of?" After talking to her as if she was awake and crying a few more times, I finally return to the waiting room.

I talk to Harry about how she looked and he held me to keep from getting to upset anymore. After a few more people go and see mom a few people start leaving and promise to come back tomorrow. Dad, Harry and I are for sure staying here, my aunt is staying along with a couple of my cousins and my moms brother is staying too. 

Hours pass by and everyone is falling alseep on the chairs or the floor, nurses bring us blankets and pillows. Harry and I are sitting on this thing that look like two hospital chairs made together to be a small couch or something. You'd think they'd have pull out beds or more comfortable seating in the waiting rooms for the people who sleep here. 

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asks, I know he's not comfortable because he's got his back against the hard chair arms and one leg on the inside of the chair/couch thing and I'm laying on his chest. My legs lay over the other end on the chair arm and his are on either side of me.

"My mom."

"About how she's in here?"

"Yeah, for some reason I feel like it's my fault."

"What, no it isn't why do you feel like that?"

"Well if I wasn't sick she wouldn't have to work so much just to pay for my bills. She would've been home with us, not out there and having this happen." 

"Melanie, this is not your fault. You being sick had nothing to do with this, no one knew this would happen. It's no one's fault." 

"Harry, then why did this happen? Why in the hell do horrible things happen to the best people?" I feel tears falling down my cheeks and Harry holds me tighter in his arms and kisses my head.

"Things like this happen so we can see how much we love someone, to see how much we care about them and as sad as it sounds, to see how quickly life can end someone. But your mother lived and I mean maybe I'm wrong about why bad things happen to good people. But what I do know is after what happened today you know how much you love her right?"

"Yes."

"And you know the fear and pain of what it would feel like if you lost her right?"

"Yes Harry."

"Well now you know how they feel whenever things like this happen to you. When you have to be rushed to the hospital for soemthing and they fear you may not be leaving with them. That pain you felt when you didn't know if she was okay or not, is exactly what they feel."

"I guess you may be right."

"And who knows, maybe if you weren't sick, we wouldn't have met." he's always finding the good in everything and I love it because I'm always finding the bad.

"Your so corny." I look up and smile and give him a kiss. After a while Harry falls asleep, I get up to go pee and see everyone is sleeping now. So i decide to go and see my mom, even though I shouldn't be. I walk into her room and sit in the chair next to her bed, I hold her hand again and give it a kiss.

"Hi mommy. I hope your not in any pain." She looks peacefull but who knows what she's really feeling.

"Dad, Uncle Joe, Aunt Leanna, couisin Lee and Nick, Harry and I are still here. I tried calling Aron, when he finally answered he said he can't come here to see you because he's out of town for work. I hope that's true, I know it is though becuase he'd be here if he was in town.You should see the way everyone is sleeping, they all look so uncomfortable and it's funny. I just wanna hear you say something mommy." My head falls on our hands and I begin to cry, I just want her to answer me. I wanna hear her voice.

"Melanie baby."

"Mommy!" I say trying not be loud, I lift my head and her eye's are barley open but I can tell she's looking down at me.

"Shh, I'm okay. I woke up while the doctor was in here last and he told me what happened."

"Why didn't he tell us you woke up?"

"He said you all were sleeping, but I knew you probably were'nt and that you'd be in here at some point." He voice is low and it sounds like she has strept throat, but I don't how she sounds, I'm just happy to hear her talking.

"Mommy I love you, I'm so sorry this happened."

"You haven't called me mommy since you were eight, I miss hearing mommy. And I'm okay, no need to say sorry for something that isn't your fault baby." She rubs my hand with her thumb a little.

"I'm still sorry, this shouldn't have happened."

"Shh, stop. Now go sneak me some coffee."

"Ha-Ha, mom you can't have any coffee right now."

"You suck, can I have some water?" I smile and nod and get the cup of water from the table, it has a little straw in it for her. She take a few sips and then lays her head back down on te pillow.

"Are you in any pain?"

"Not really, the medicine is helping the pain." I know she probably does feel some pain but she won't say becuase she always wants to seem strong and tough.

"I love you mommy."

"I love you too sweetie." She smiles at me and kiss her hand again. She's still acting like my mom even though allthis has happened, my mom is strong. She is lying about the pain so I won't be upset even more than I am. I'm so lucky to have her and I couldn't imgine life without her. I wish I was more like her, a free spirit and always looks for the good and not the bad. Has fun without over thinking everything, is still so happy happy even when put in a situation like this. I really wish I could be more like her.

Hey guys! Sorry it took me so lng to update! But I hope you enjoy the chapter ! I'd love some feedback, so that would be great! I love you guys!! XXXX