I've been out of the hospital for about 2 weeks no and Harry and I still haven't said the words that were slightly said. it's not that we don't feel it, it's just that, actually I'm not sure why we haven't said it. I don't wanna say it until he does, only because I'm nervous to say it. We've been together almost four months so I guess we still it's to early to say it but we feel as if it's fine to hint around to it. Almost four months, wow, since we met there has probably hasn't been that many days we've been apart.
Even when we first started to date, Harry has stayed by my side through everything. Even through chemo he was there, he never left my side and he always tried to be there during chemo. The only days he wasn't was when he worked, but he always tried to get to the hospital after work just to be here for me.
I were beenies all the time now just to cover up all my bald spots that I don't want anyone seeing, I try sleeping with them on but Harry always end up taking them off of me. He's always tellng me that I don't need to wear one but he doesn't understand how I don't want him seeing me like this, I've gotten to where I don't brush what hair I do have just because it falls out. I pin up what I can and put a beenie on to hide how hidious I'm getting, I've lost almost twenty pounds which I hate. When I'm not on chemo, like when I've been off of it for awhile, I weigh any where around 130 to 140. Now I weigh close to 110 and I hate it, I don't see why people want to look like this, I mean maybe some people can pull this off. But I guess where I'm sick I look even sicker this skinny.
My body is so fragile right now it feels as if you could touch me and I'd brake, I can't even let Harry hug me to tight because of how bad it hurts. I miss that too, his tight hugs squeezing me, I miss those so badly but right now I can't have those hugs and it's killing me.
"How are you feling?" Harry said as he walks into my room with a tray of food and a drink.
"I've felt better, but I've also felt worse."
"I'm sorry babe, I wish I could make it stop. I hate seeing and knowing that your in pain and I can't do anything about it." He says as he sits the tray down on my night stand and crawls into bed and kisses me.
"It's alright."
"No babe, it's not. I don't want you hurting anymore, I hate that I have to barley touch you because I'm scared I'll hurt you. I hate not being able to cuddle you as tight anymor, I just wanna pick you up, squeeze you and kiss you and gosh I just wanna hold you without hurting you." He says, I see a tear appear in his eye.
"Harry, I want all of that too and we will be able to have that back someday I promise. But for now, this is just a bump in the road, something we have to over come."
"I know darling, I just hate seeing you hurting, I wanna make you feel better." He says as he pulls me closer to him and hugs me.
"Well I there's one way that you could."
"There is?"
"Yeah." I smile and bite my lip at him, i start kissing his neck and a light moan escapes his mouth. I move my hand up his leg, but out of no where Harry jumps up from the bed and paces the floor.
"What? What's wrong?"
"No Melanie, I can't, we can't." He says and I feel as if I've been hit by a truck.
"I.. Harry I.. just .. I just thought, but if you don't want-"
"No no no babe, trust me I do I really do. But I'm not having sex with you while your already hurting and plus I think we should just wait babe."
"Harry, you can't continue to wait for that to happen because who knows what will happen to me. I want you to be the one I have sex with before I die Harry."
"Don't say that! I told you that a long time ago I never wanna hear you say those types of things! Your not going to die! And Melanie of course I want us to have sex but damn babe we can't even say I love you to each other because we feel it's still to early! Now you want to add sex in the situation?" He says, it's kinda of scaring me because i've never heard him yell like this. Hell I didn't even know he could yell like this.
"Harry I'm not trying to complicate things but I'm a 17 year old girl who can't even have sex with her boyfriend because I have cancer and because you don't want to hurt me! Cancer or not the first few times are going to hurt Harry!"
"But your already in enough pain Melie! And I don't klnow about you but I don't feel like causing you more pain!" Lets see, I was just rejected and now he's yelling at me, yeah a little to late.
"Ha! You've already done that Harry!"
"What?"
"You just rejected me and started yelling at me! A simple no we should wait would have been sufficient enough! Now I'm sitting here embarressed feeling like a total idiot!"
"Melanie I-"
"Don't."He stop walking closer to me as I put my hand up to stop him.
"I'm-"
"I think you should go Harry." I don't want him to but, I just feel so dumb right now.
"Go where?"
"Home."
"I thought I was home." He says and I brake, I try to hide the crying but it's not working so I get up and run to the bathroom and lock myself in there. I have a bathroom in my room so I don't have to leave my room for parents to see. I can see Harry's shadow at the bathroom door as if he wants to knock and come in but he doesn't. He stands there for a while then walks away. I hear my bedroom door shut and the sound of his boots on the stairs.
I walk out of the bathroom after about 45 minutes of crying, I go over to my window and see that Harry's car is gone. He really did leave, he actually left. I'm such an idiot I over reacted. Why do I have to be so stupid? Should I text him? Yes I will I'll say I'm sorry and to come home.
I run to my phone and search for Harrys name to text him.
*Harry, babe I'm sorry please come home and we can talk about this.*
I go and lay on my bed and wait for a reply, I keep falling asleep waiting for him to answer but he doesn't. It says he read the message but he didn't say anything back.
Great. Way to go Melanie.
Hey everyone!!! Okay so yeah this chapter is sorta sad D: I'm sorry!! But I'd love to hear what you think about it guys!!! I love feedback so leave me some comments please!! None that are rude or anything because then I'll just get upset so please be nice! Anyways guys thanks for the reads I really appriciate it!! I love you all sooooo much!!! :) xxxxx
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If I Awake
Fanfiction*WHAT YOUR ABOUT TO READ STARTS OFF AS PRESENT DAY THEN GOES TO WHAT MELANIE THOUGHT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING* Melanie was young when diagnosed with cancer, after waking from a two year coma she's not sure how everything that she dream't isn't real...
