Bucky's Diary

January 16, 2003

Reserve – Egzod (ft. Leo the Kind)
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Dear Diary,

Today's training brought back some memories I suppose I'd suppressed for a while now.

I truly didn't remember any of them until today, which is kind of scary now that I think about it, but I guess that's just a side-effect of a traumatic experience.

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As decided upon by the Agents, such as myself, all-weather training would be important for the Widow's to learn before getting sent out on their own.

Not only is surviving in extreme weather important, but it's something any good soldier knows how to handle.

We made sure to take our Widows outside in the middle of the storm in reverse, individual order. AKA, Natalia Romanova is first today instead of last.

She approached me as I stood in front of the glass doors. "Мы готовы, агент (are we ready, agent)?"

I looked over at her and saw her in a white version of her usual black suit, something we referred to as a Snow Stealth Suit. I was in one too, it was simply a warmer, white version of my normal uniform. All the Agents were sized and fitted for specialty suits when we arrived because all the Widows are given new specialty suits once a year when they out-grow the old ones.

The suits we have really only include the Classic Black (worn for most, non-specialty missions) and Snow Stealth (worn for extreme cold, white-climate specialty missions). Sometimes they'll provide special camouflage for us if we're doing something specific, but I found that I'm in my Classic Black Suit more often than not.

Upon looking at her, I realized that the white suit almost looked better on her than the black one; I soon ignored that sensation it gave me and moved on. "Да, мы (yes, we are)."

I pushed the doors open against the terribly harsh wind, blowing a ton of snow onto the other Widows who had been waiting behind us for their turn in a few minutes. We walked outside and met up a few hundred feet from the building.

When we looked back at the door we just exited from, we noticed the door was barely visible anymore and doubted that anyone inside even had the potential to see us clearly anymore.

"The goal is to disable me before I disable you, okay?" I shouted over the roaring elements around us.

"Okay," she shouted back.

I ran straight for her, trying to pick her up and slam her to the ground, as anyone larger than their opponent would. Just as I got close enough, though, she jumped up into the air and used my shoulders to propel herself farther away from me.

For the briefest second, she was behind me while I faced the other way and this was a perfect advantage for her to take.

I heard her feet hitting the snow as she approached me quickly, then I felt her legs wrap around me just before she swung to the front of me in attempts to take us both to the ground.

Instead of falling forward like she wanted, though, I leaned back and stabilized myself, keeping us both in the air as she clung around my neck with her thighs. I met her eyes and she met mine as she started trying to break me down with her arms.

When that didn't work, I leaned forward and slammed her back onto the snow- though, I fell on top of her and, well, it just didn't really go as planned.

Eventually, she let go and made her way out and we, on the ground still, grappled and fought it out. She ended up pinning me with her legs around my arm because she knew her two legs would almost definitely be stronger than my one arm.

I didn't tap out, though, because she only had my flesh arm. I still had a lot of fight left in me with my metal arm on my team.

I threw her off of me, much to her surprise, and climbed on top of her, pinning her arms above her head. I saw her and my staggering breath between us in the cold, the snow still falling all around us.

Clearly I had won the fight, as I usually do, but that didn't seem to be the point anymore. It was as if we were both far too lost in the eyes of the person in front of us to remember that we were in the middle of something.

When I felt her breath get closer and saw her lips next to mine, I pulled back and stood up, lending her a hand to help her get up. I wondered why this had been happening so often recently, but didn't dare say a word about it.

"Хорошо (good)," I told her. "Вы хорошо поработали, используя мои слабости против меня, но вы должны иметь в виду, что вы не всегда знаете своего противника так же хорошо, как знаете меня (you did a good job using my weaknesses against me, but you have to keep in mind that you won't always know your opponent as well as you know me)."

She took my hand and nodded at what I'd just mentioned. "Да, конечно (yes, of course)," she agreed. "Я просто подумал, что, раз уж я тебя знаю, я мог бы использовать это в своих интересах (I just thought that, since I do know you, I might as well use that to my advantage)."

We started walking back to the building and I smiled to myself. "You're really learning quickly, Natalia."

"Well, I have a good teacher," she smiled at me just before I opened the door and let her walk into the building in front of me.

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She's something else, and I feel like I've always known that.

I would surmise that it's just her personality, but when I see the way that she learns and gains knowledge so quickly I realize that it has to be something imbedded in her mindset, too. She's an inspiration even to me, and I thought I was a lost cause in that arena years ago.

Perhaps it really is possibly for someone you barely know to have unimaginable effects on you in the long run.

~ James