Bucky's Diary

March 18, 2006

Emerge Part II – Ruelle
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Dear Diary,

I couldn't take it anymore, the waiting and the not knowing, so I took the future into my own hands.

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I keep my current page marked in my diary with a rubber band. It's something you can't easily lose because it's sticky, in a sense, and they're easy to come by if they break. This rubber band is wrapped around my previously written upon pages as well as the front cover of my diary... this is why I've never even really thought about doing the very thing I did today:

Removing the rubber band.

Normally, all I do is move the most recently filled page beneath it and continue along with whatever I was writing. Yet, recently, I've been hit with feelings of remembrance so often that I needed to look back at what I'd written as early as I can find.

I placed the rubber band on my wrist, twisting it so that it overlapped only twice over my flesh skin. When I looked back upon my desk, the diary was still closed. I thought about it for a moment more, too, because once I read back in time, there would be no going back.

The thoughts that have previously stopped me from doing this flooded my brain anew. What if I don't remember anything even after reading? What if this only makes me more confused? What if I lose touch with reality after discovering my past self? What if I feel helpless knowing I can't do anything to go back to the life I once had? Or, perhaps the worst of all- what if I remember everything all at once and realize that the life I'm living right now is the better of the two options?

I shook my head and forgot about those worries. After all, the only way to find out what'll happen is to actually do it.

Without thinking any further, I opened the front cover of my diary and read the words written on the inside of the cover aloud:

"This diary is the property of," I stopped. The next words were blocked. As I continued, I noticed that this was a common theme across the entire page, so I read what I could. "If found, please сжечь (burn)." The signature at the bottom was crossed out, only to be replaced with my own menacing future additions. "Я найду вас, если следующая информация будет прочитана или передана, и вы умрете. изменен солдат 3255-703818 февраля 1945 г(I will find you if the following information is read or transmitted and you will perish. modified by soldier 3255-7038 on 18 February, 1945)."

I stared at it for a minute as my chest ached. I realized that perhaps I had done this before; maybe something HYDRA put in my head had compelled me to go through my diary and scratch out anything that might let me remember. Not even my real name is written on that page and there's nothing I can do to change it.

Yet, I maintained my hope and turned the first page over. The header read June 17, 1939.

I skimmed the first few paragraphs, reading aloud only the most shocking or seemingly important parts.

"I figured today was the best day of them all to start something like this. As much as I have no idea what to write, I thought it'd be good to have a record of everything I encounter in the military," I whispered.

I was in the military- the U.S. military? I suppose I was fighting in the Second World War, but perhaps that's what brought me straight to HYDRA in Nazi Germany. I shook off the eery thought and kept skimming.

"Anyway, I'm on the train right now on my way to Camp Lehigh near Wheaton, New Jersey... though, this isn't my first time at an army bootcamp... which, I guess is something even Steve doesn't even know," I felt my eyes crinkle at that name as I read it aloud and felt it fall from my lips. "Steve," I repeated, tasting the word as it dripped down my tongue.