Finding me

Insert 30🥀

The Reunion

I have to look at her and pretend to be strong when I wish I can switch places with her, I have one promise to keep to her and that is to protect her from the world, this cruel world and I failed. I now know that my sister stabbed my boyfriend 5 times at the front and twice at the back. She said she stared at him as he took his last breath to make sure he was dead; I have a tear pending.

“Say something”

She is looking at me; she wants answers from my facial expression.

“I’m sorry for disappointing you so much, I’m sorry for being weak, I’m sorry for not leaving him when I should have, I’m sorry for always crying to you and telling you my problems Una…” she is not crying but I am

“I will get you out of here I give you my word, you did so much…I can’t see you here” I cry

“I spoke to dad…” una

The fuck…I can’t hide my astonishment

“Where, when, how?” I ask

“He came here the day they arrested me, he got out and if you speak to him, he might be able to get me out” she suggests

I don’t know what to say or think, I have been scarce for three days and everything has changed.

“Tshinondi please do this for me” she says and just like that our conversation comes to an end

I find my mother at the hallway and for once in my life I have nothing to say to her, so I pass. I don’t want to cry, I’m sick and tired of crying. I am being pulled back.

“What?” I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for this

He lets me go and stare at me

“Can we talk?” he asks

“Talk” I say

He is hesitant “I have a plan to get Una out of here”

“If that is your way of trying to get back in our lives then you are not being creative enough, I cannot overlook the fact that you left us and never came back. I cannot forgive you” my face drops

For all the things that didn’t work out, all the things I failed and all I never got to do I blamed him. I had to be the support system to my family at a very young age and of everything I did they expected so much from me.

“Nwananga, I know I cannot change the past or take away the pain but at least allow me to save Una. You can hate me, I deserve that, but I cannot let her go to prison” he says

I don't know why I came back here after my meeting with Andani, I told myself I was going to get Una out and not toss my father back to prison in the process, if you ask me why I just referred to him as my father? I have no idea. I want to hate him for not being my father when I needed him to be, for leaving me alone to take care of his family and now that he's back I don't know how to forgive him. He reminds me so much of Thabelo, he always left me to deal with our problems alone while he fucks his way through, his way of making himself better was to sleep around. I would find out and hate him silently; it made no difference if I spoke about it. He would come back and apologize for what he did, not went down after he left me to cry alone.

"I know you hate me Tshinondi, you don't have to stay with me because I don't deserve you" he would say

Fuck him; he knew that I couldn't leave him. He was the only man I loved and wanted to be with.

Regardless of how toxic he was, I knew that he was my home.

Something deep inside felt alive when I was lying on his chest listening to his heartbeat.