Her first time

Chapter forty-two.

He is leaning towards me and I think he is beginning to see double. Instead of leaning onto me his body slowly leans forward almost dipping his nose in the dirt. I keep trying to hold him still, but I'm not doing a very good job. "Okay stop it. You're too heavy for me to hold you up like this." He lays his head on my shoulder breathing out in my neck. "We both know why you can't stand being with Eliot anymore. I think you never even really loved him."

"Now you don't get to say those things. You are the one that doesn't believe in love. You made it very clear you don't even date. So don't talk about Eliot and me." I snap. I know this has nothing to do with Eliot. It has everything to do with the feelings I have for Justin. I know I love Eliot I do, but with Justin, things are so different. I have my own life, my own choices he respects and I actually have fun and I feel like I'm more myself when I'm with him, he gets me and I get him. Our energy is epic.

With Eliot, everything is planned and not spontaneous at all. We always do the same things we have been doing since we were kids. Sometimes feels like he's dating my mother instead of me. Our relation sometimes feels more like a friendship than a relation grown from true love. Well, I wouldn't say I loved Justin or if I do. I just know I do more than just care for him. "Who said I don't date. I just so have happened to change my mind." "You what.." I yell at him. How dare he bring this up right now, when I'm with Eliot.

Maybe it's because he saw Eliot and me together. Or maybe it's just because he is drunk and hit his head. "You can't just change your mind like that. It's not fair. You pick now of all the times you could tell me. You disappeared for four days and now you just want to date. No, no it doesn't work like that." " Well believe me or not I did change my mind, because of you Rachel. You make me wanna date. I want to get to know you. I want to spend every hour of my day with you."

"No, how can you want that. You made it clear you didn't want me in that way and then you just leave without saying anything. You don't show up in class. You had me all worried and just when I almost forgot about you, you come back in my life and say these things." "Rachel I know. I'm a horrible person and I'm sorry for how I acted around you. I don't date I never have. I don't know-how.

So I need your help to show me how. Please give me a chance." he bags and I can see in his beautiful green eyes he's telling the truth, but why now? Why push me away all those times. Why say those horrible things about me. I do want to try with Justin, but I know it will never work. We're so different and he has done nothing but make me cry since I met him. He has real mood swings I can't deal with.

It's like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster with him. And I know I can't lose Eliot and I especially don't want to hurt him. I don't know what to say to him anymore, but I do know he needs those cuts and bruises to be taken care of. "Come on your drunk and I don't want to fight anymore. Let's just get to the car so I can fix you up and drop you at home." "What home I don't have one and I don't need you to take care of me." "Well, I think you do and I want to so just let me help you,"

I say trying to get him to stand up. After a while, I got him up and we're walking toward the parking lot. "So you got a car?" he asks while stumbling over the lawn to Eliot's car. "No, it's not mine. I need to get one though." "Yeah, we can go look for one together." "You'd do that for me?" "Of course, I would do that for you, but you can also have me driving you anywhere you want to." He says and smirks. "Well, I don't think that's a good idea. If you're mad at me you wouldn't come to pick me up so I'd be standing there like an idiot." I say and giggle a little while opening the trunk.

I grab the first aid kit and start to clean the cut above his eye. "I would never do that." "I would never encourage you to drink but this might hurt so you might want to take a zip." and of course, he plays tough and does the opposite of what I asked him. "Well then don't be a baby if it hurts." I try to see how deep the cut is maybe he needs stitches. His skin is still stretchy, it will probably heal fine without stitches, with some good wound care, that I could provide him with.

"Well, doctor Lane. How does it look." He asks playfully. "It's not as bad as it looks. I don't think you need stitches, but you do need wound care every three days." "Yeah, right. I'll think it'll be just fine." I cleaned and confederated his wounds. "You will need to ice that hand when you come home."