Her first time

Chapter Forty-Eight.

While Trish and Kevin left to go bowling I decided to get my mind off things by reading a book. After thirty minutes of trying I have concluded that reading is not helping. I turn on the tv to watch some Netflix. Watching friends is helping a little, but Justin is still on my mind and I don't have any more distracting techniques. I'm slowly beginning to understand that something had to happen between Eliot and me, cause I was never going to break up with him. I just couldn't. But this wasn't the right way and Justin had no right to come between us. I'm just so angry with myself for letting it get this far. Eliot and I go way back, we were great friends and it just became more with time. I think our parents pushed us a little, but it did, and we were a great couple.

At least that's what I think. We had a great relationship I just don't know if I was in love with him. I do know I love him, but is it true love like in books and movies? Losing Eliot as this hurts, but it doesn't hurt as much as Justin hurts me. And I know things will go back to the way they were, cause I'm done with Justin and I love Eliot and he loves me. He will get over this right? I mean he has to we're a team. Then my phone rings and I run toward my desk hoping it's Eliot. Unfortunately, it's not Eliot but my mother. Did he tell her? Is that why she's calling me? I'm not in de mood for a lecture or fight with her. I let it ring until it stops. I don't need my mother meddling in my life. I let myself fall on my bed and turn off my phone. I stare at the ceiling and within minutes I slowly doze off to sleep......Zzz Zzz

I can feel his touch, I feel his hand on my hot skin, His breathing on my neck, and his lips on my mine. My heartbeat is raising and I'm beginning to feel sweaty as his hands move slowly down my neck, my clavicle to my breasts. He pulls back and takes a breath before his tongue enters slowly making turns around mine. His British accent makes it sound so hot when he says "Miss Lane, we're you dreaming?" I slowly open my eyes and look into his beautiful green sparkly eyes. "You're here?" I say while grabbing his hands in mine. There is that burning feeling in my panties again. I want to feel his hands on my hot skin and his head between my legs. I don't know if this is real or if I'm dreaming right now, but I do know I don't want it to end. "Miss Lane, what we're you dreaming about?" ................

I now open my eyes and look around the empty room. I come to know I was dreaming cause there is no one here. Why does he keep flooding back in my mind? He even shows up in my dreams, what is that supposed to mean? I crawl out of bed and get some water. I take a look at my phone and still no messages from Eliot. While I'm replaying everything that happened in my mind I slowly drift off to sleep. The next morning I woke up and thought the awful feeling and self-loathe would have ended by now but it didn't. I turn on the tv to watch Friends, but if this is what you go through every time something happens with a boy. I will stay away from boys for the rest of my whole life. I'm feeling exhausted and sad and even waking up is hard. I wish I could stay in my room forever and avoid seeing Justin or anyone else.

I try to brush through my hair with my hand, but it's a big knot. I do need to shower, but no one is going to see me. I decided to stay in and do nothing all day long. When I'm in my third episode of Friends I hear the door unlock. It has to be Trish she's the only one with a key. "Hey you, how are you?" "Well, I'm fine." "You don't look fine and you smell girl." "Well thank you for that," I say and laugh. She starts unpacking her bag and then asks "Did you talk to Eliot? are you guys going to be okay?" "No, I didn't talk to him. He told me he needs space. I do think things will be okay, cause he loves me and I love him." "Well, Rachel sometimes loving each other isn't enough, I've seen you two together but there is no chemistry between you guys," she says while she hangs her dresses in the closet and I know she's right. There is no chemistry between Eliot and me.

He is too squeamish and wants to wait until the marriage, which I wanted to do too, at first but now I miss the burning feeling in my panties and the way my skin goes on fire when he touches me. I will not tell her that, but I know she's right. But you don't have to have that kind of bond all the time. Eliot and I like the way things go between us. I try to tell myself, cause I'm beginning to think I want other things in life right now. "I don't see that as a bad thing. Eliot just isn't like Justin or Kevin or all the other boys. Eliot doesn't care about that stuff." "Yeah sure. Girl if he isn't interested in you in that way. You might wanna think about the fact that he might be into boys and not girls." she jokes and we start lauging together. "No no he is definitely into girls." "If you say so." Trish jokes and packs her things to hit the showers. "I don't say so I know so," I say to her and crawl back into my bed.