Her first time

Chapter fifty four.

"Yes, I do want to. I just don't know what to do." "Do whatever you want to do and don't overthink it." He knows me too well, and I want to live in the moment and not overthink this or what I'm about to do, but I have never done anything like it and I want to do it right. I want to make him feel the way he made me feel. I want to know what it feels like to please him as he did me. I want to see how his eyes roll back and forth, and I want him to breathe out in pleasure just like I did.

I lean back a little to create some space between us then lay my hands on his bare tattoed chest. My fingers trace his abs down to the edge of his boxers. His expression is so calm, but his chest is moving up and down quicker than it was before. I look at him for permission and he nods. I can't control myself as I bring my hand down and run my index finger along the waistband of his boxers. His eyes shoot open and he looks nervous. No, Justin nervous? He can't be. "Can I uh... can I touch you..?" I stutter hoping he gets what I mean without having to say it.

I'm not good with that kind of talk and I especially don't feel comfortable saying stuff like that. I feel so detached from myself, who is this girl straddling this bad boy asking to touch him down there? He nods and unbuttons his jeans. My cheeks flush and I feel oddly comfortable being half-naked. He lifts himself from the bed for me to slowly pull his pants down as I look him in the eye. I'm so nervous and have no clue what to do. My hands shake a little and I'm praying he doesn't notice.

He lifts my chin to look up at him and then says "Let's just take it slow." then presses a kiss on my lips. He pulls me up to stand and then gestures for me to lie next to him on the bed. Without letting go I lifted my knee on the bed and decided to crawl on top of him. Then my conscience asks me: is this taking it slow? I push that voice far back and continue to kiss him as I rock my hips over his swelling thing. He breathes out a loud breath and turns me over so that he is on top. He is taking full control and whispers to my lips. "Rachel let's do this another time. There is no rush." and his voice is soft and gentle.

I don't understand why he won't let me do something. Doesn't he trust me? Does he think it won't be good? My thoughts are going crazy right now which is distracting me and without knowing I stopped my movements. Justin stops the kiss and lifts himself on his elbows. "You okay?" he asks. "Yeah, but I just.. Why can't I do something for you?" I stutter while I'm looking down afraid to look him in the eyes. 'You can, but I just want you to feel comfortable and we do not need to rush anything.

I just think we should wait a bit longer." Wait why wait? and again I have a million questions. But I decided to let this go for now. He lifts me off of him and pulls his pants back up. I cover myself with my arms trying to hide my half-naked body. I suddenly feel uncomfortable and weird. He then throws me a T-shirt. The fresh smell of Justin fills my nostrils as I put the shirt over my head. I know he likes me wearing his shirt.

I find myself thinking of how we can go from fighting to forgiveness and to making out, well I'm not sure I have forgiven him but I'm thinking about it. "Will you stay?" He asks with a thrilling voice as if he is scared to hear the answer. I look up at him and take a second to think this through. Just an hour ago I came here to be angry at him and tell him how I felt and feel. I thought I was going to shout at him, but instead, it went totally different. I nod and he smiles.

"I'm going to brush my teeth." He says and disappears into the hallway. The party is still going on downstairs and I wonder what time it will end. The door cracks while he closes it behind him. He crawls in bed without saying a word. I wonder if something has happened or did his mood just change. He rolls onto his other side with his back to my face. Why does he do this? I can't wrap my head around the fact that three minutes ago we were so intimate and kissing and now he's acting like he doesn't know me.

I thought we were past this now. I keep staring at the ceiling and hear a little snoring. I can't help myself but giggle. After an hour a voice whispers "Did you miss me?" My heart leaps when I feel his hands on my waist and his thing growing against my behind. I breathe out a breath I didn't know I was holding in then say "I did a little." He breathes in my neck as he tilts my hair aside and presses a little kiss. " I missed you too," he says against my neck. I love the way he's holding me while we sleep together.