Her first time

Chapter Forty-Five.

"Rachel stop, I'm not blind I can tell you have feelings for him." "No that's not true, can we just talk about it. Don't leave please?" "No Rachel I can't do this right now. I can't see you anymore. I don't wanna hear your voice, I don't wanna talk to you, I don't even wanna look at you and I don't wanna know why or what happened. It's just wrong and you should have told me sooner." He has a point and I know he's right. I just can't take back time and I don't know what to tell him cause I do have feelings for him who now have changed into hate and anger. "I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen."

"I know and I just need to be alone and think for while." What is he saying? Is he breaking up with me? I don't understand. I know he loves me I thought if I could just talk to him he would forgive me. I have never seen him so angry and hurt. I'm trying not to panic, but everything he is telling me is making me too. "What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?" I ask him with tears rolling down my cheeks. "I'm not saying that. Please stop crying I can't bear it cause it means your hurt and I just can't handle seeing you hurting." He says while wiping away my tears with his thumb. He takes my head in his hands and then says

"I just need time to think. I love you." and he pulls away from me and gets in the car. "No please don't leave," I yell while walking after him when he drives off. I'm now crying my eyeballs out in the parking lot. I slowly walk back to my dorm crying. I'm lucky it's still early and no one is around to see me. Well, that isn't entirely true Trish saw me. I hope Justin left, cause I can't stand to see his face right now. I'm hurt and I can't describe how angry and disappointed I am with myself. I'm so angry at myself for what I've done. I don't think I could ever forgive myself. I wouldn't blame Eliot if he didn't, but I know he will cause he loves me and we're just on a break or something. He didn't say the word so I think we are still together.

I lump in my throat and I loath myself. I don't understand why I did what I did, I just knew I couldn't stay away from him and my body was telling me all those other things. I thought Justin cared for me and I hoped all the things he said were true. But now it's crystal clear to me that it was all an act just to get into my pants. I stumble up the stairs to my room. This time I don't care if anyone sees me cry. The door of my dorm is still open. I walk in and see Justin sitting on my bed and Trish yelling at him.

I can't process what's happening, but I can see Trish is pretty angry with him. I can also see he doesn't care. The minute he sees me he jumps to be by my side. He tries to hug me and talk to me, but I'm not really hearing him and I'm not letting him touch me. "Don't you dare touch me!" I yell and slowly take a seat on my bed. "I'm sorry, but you knew he needed to know." "Can't you just stop talking," Trish yells at Justin while he's standing there not knowing what to do? "I think Eliot and I just sort of broke up."

I stutter crying. She looks at me, opens her arms, and hugs me. "I'm so sorry, but if he loves you he'll come around." "Well, that doesn't matter cause she didn't love him," Justin shouts while pacing around the room. Then again Justin tries to make some sort of a contact by grabbing my hand, but I instantly pull away and give him a deadly glare. "GET OUT. I HATE YOU." I yell furious at him. He doesn't think twice and turns around and walks away without looking back. I crawl up in my bed crying. "I think I might have lost my best friend." "I know honey. I know you feel awful, but trust me it will get better." Trish says while she crawls in bed with me to comfort me.