❛ SUPERMARKET FLOWERS ♪ ❜ - z. herron

fifty-four: you're making me sound like the bad guy.

"Hey, uh, come in." Nate says, scratching the back of his neck. He looks startled to see me, like a deer that'll run away with any sudden movements. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"Huh, I wonder why that is." I say sarcastically, referring to the incident on the Seavey doorstep as I sit down in his living room.

He sits down, facing me. He starts speaking, his hands moving, similar to when people try to talk down a rabid dog. "Kira, I know you're mad-"

"Yeah, no shit. My best friend's birthday, who you not only don't care to know, but I had to leave earlier because you cried on his doorstep. I still don't completely know why either."

"You act like I wouldn't do that for you." He says. He almost sounds disgusted, like how could I think so lowly of him. "You just never come to me crying at parties."

"Oh really, you'd leave? You didn't leave Rick's birthday. Thomas's initiation. The White Out party." I say, counting off on my fingers.

All the times he's left me outside, alone.

"You're making me sound like the bad guy." He crosses his arms.

"In all these cases, you are. Rick's birthday was Emerson and I's huge fight, where for the first time in our friendship, she stopped talking to me completely. Tom's party is the day Peter followed me on Instagram." I say, referencing my biological dad.

He's followed me on Instagram, then later DM'd me, telling me how much he missed me. Obviously, I was taken aback and didn't reply from the mere shock of not interacting with him for 17 years of my life. When I needed my boyfriend, he called me crossed, saying he couldn't drive, so he needed me to pick him up.

I don't even think he cared or remembered enough to read the message about Peter.

"Oh and the White Out party, my dad's anniversary."

"Kira, I didn't know." He says, ashamed that I would bring it up.

"Don't start with that bullshit. You and I both know you did. Not only did I mention it multiple times leading up to it, but I mentioned how I didn't want to be alone. My dad's death was hard on everyone in my support system so everyone needed space. You didn't know my dad so I needed you. But no, you had to go hang out with your teammates."

"Why are you even bringing up the past right now? This was literally in October, how can you not move on? I'm sorry, but I can't change what I did." He says, knitting his eyebrows.

I can't keep loving him like this. The constant arguing, the on again off again. I need to find some way to change something.

I love this man so unconditionally; it hurts me in the process. But I'm struggling, again and again, to keep pushing myself to show this love. I can't keep doing it; I can't keep loving the way I've been.

My jaw drops, leaving me speechless. "Are you serious right now, Nathan?"

"All I'm saying." My boyfriend says, holding up his hands in surrender as he always does when he thinks he's right. "Plus, David's birthday party wasn't even that serious. I mean who has a house party?"

I scoff, "His name is Daniel. Second, he didn't plan it, his girlfriend did. You would know her and probably even be invited if you made an effort to get to know them."