❛ SUPERMARKET FLOWERS ♪ ❜ - z. herron

sixty-four: the fight.

"Do you want to come in?" I finally muster the confidence to speak after Zach walks me to my door. He nods, stepping in after I unlock it. The room has boxes stuffed in the corner, full of books, bedsheets, and other trinkets hiding around in my room. In 2 days, this dorm will be nothing more than the place where I spent my freshman year.

"Why'd you do it?" He says gravely as I close the door behind me.

"Do what?" I question, standing still. I know exactly what he's referring to, but I'm much too prideful to act like the kiss didn't suck the living daylights out of me.

He doesn't turn around to look at me, "You're the smartest person I know, so figure it out." I can feel he's angry or maybe disappointed. My heart pangs at the fact that this kiss we shared confirmed so much to him, but for me, it boggles my mind even more.

"It was just a kiss, just drop it." I scoff. I know I sound like a total asshole with my tone, but I cannot let my guard down for him. I let my guard down for Nate and look at how that worked out. I walked on him, physically screwing my best friend on the bed he used to kiss me on.

"But, it wasn't just a kiss to me. All this shit in my head, I can't be the only one feeling it. It can't be all made up so one of us here is lying and it's not me." He says, pained. I feel that pang again, only this time; it's because I know I want him. I've just been trying to convince myself otherwise.

My voice softens, but I continue to prove my point, "She told me to prove it so I did. I kissed you, and no, I don't regret it. But it's nothing more than that."

If I tell him what I feel, it makes it the truth. I don't know if I'm ready to handle the truth yet.

"Lies." He says sternly, "You act like you aren't an open book to me. I know when you're angry, mad, sad, but I especially know when you're lying. So, tell me the truth and we can move on."

"What did you want me to do? Fist bump you to prove you were my boyfriend." I say angrier, fidgeting with my rings. "Can you look at me?" I ask, annoyed that he won't even give me the decency of looking at me.

Why can he not just drop the simple topic? We can just move past it and be whatever we've been in the past.

He shrugs, continuing to keep his back to me."Could have done anything else. Could have walked away, anything." He says with more pain in his voice. The sound of it alone makes my eyes water, but I stay true to what I've been saying. 

I begin to yell, tears pouring out of my eyes from the frustration and agony of hurting him. "No I couldn't. Her speaking alone pisses me off. But the fact she's there with Nate on our anniversary and your birthday, it was too much."

"Why did you do it Ira?" He sighs, asking, indifferent to the whole spiel I just gave.

I let out a groan, spitting out words full of frustration. "God, you're so aggravating." I say with my hands in my hair. I let out a breath, speaking fast. "I've wanted to kiss you forever. I've wanted to kiss you that night under the stars, I've wanted to kiss you since we slow danced. You know what, I've wanted to kiss you since the concert when I saw you sing for the first time. So yeah, I kissed you because I wanted to. So for the love of Jesus himself, can you turn around and face me?" I yell into his back.

He turns around, and his face immediately softens. He walks up, holding me in a hug. He lets me sob into his sweater as he softly speaks, "You don't always need to guard your feelings. It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes and actually express how you feel. It's alright to be able to accept your feelings." He says into my hair. He strokes it gently as if I'm a little baby bird in his arms that'd break if he talked any louder.