Therapist • KTH ✔

72. Grieving

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Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.
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Mar 9, 2023
Amy's POV

"Yeah Jay...this looks good," I confirmed the position of the couch in the living room.

I was done shifting and settling down in the new apartment.

I bought this apartment for me and the baby to live in. It isn't luxurious, but it is more than enough for the two of us. It has two bedrooms and a living room, a balcony and a kitchen. It is a new apartment and very close to the hospital too. I am happy to have invested in this property.

"Babe...give him to me and shower up. Allan will be here soon. We can eat together" Jay said and took the baby with her to the playroom.

I could have continued living with Jay, but she and Allan needed their space. Till I was alone, I could give them their privacy, but after the baby's arrival, I felt I might be a hindrance to them. Jay and Allan wanted to live together. So, I decided to move out, and I finally managed to do it now. It was what was best for all of us.

I showered and got dressed and joined Jay and the baby in the playroom.

From the time I had the baby, and he turned two months old, I have been carrying him along with me to work every day. I used to wear him all the time when he was too little. I mastered the skill of doing everything with one hand. After he turned seven months, I let him play in the day care center at the hospital and checked on him every now and then.

Being a single parent has been harder than I imagined. It is only bound to get harder. Twice the love but also twice the responsibilities. He is still tiny and hasn't yet started talking anything more than a few words at a time...leave alone asking questions about his dad. I am clueless how to handle that phase.

Allan arrived with the food, and we all ate together. Jay and Allan left after some time. I bathed the baby and got him dressed for bed. While he flipped his tiny board books with his cute and pudgy fingers, I lay down beside him on the floor and scrolled through my Twitter feed.

Ever since Taehyung and I broke up, we haven't spoken to each other or texted each other. Not even once.

I still have the same phone numbers, but I don't know if he uses the same or not. I don't post anything on my Twitter feed anymore, but I still follow his official and personal accounts. Although my mind hates him for doing this to us, my heart still loves Taehyung. I can never hate him. But what he did to us is beyond my understanding.

After a while, the books were thrown on the floor, and he crawled over, trampled over them and came to me and lay down on top of me.

I smiled and put my phone aside and caressed his silky black hair.
"Minjun ah...are you ready to sleep?"

He hummed sleepily.

I named him Kim MinJun... the name Taehyung wanted to give our son. MinJun reminds me of Taehyung in every single thing he does. He looks like a mini version of Kim Taehyung. He smiles exactly like Taehyung. His eyes and hair are just like Taehyung's. I love him exactly like how I loved Taehyung. In fact, a little bit more. Did Taehyung ever miss me? Did he ever think about me or our son? He probably doesn't even know if I had the baby or not.

I got up, turned off the lights in the playroom and carried Minjun to bed with me.

Countless days I stared into thin air and drifted to oblivion and countless nights I cried alone staring into the ceiling, rewinding through all the beautiful moments we shared together and the love that I trusted so much on. I truly believed that Taehyung was the one. I loved him with all of me. We made a life out of love. And he just ditched me? I wonder why life has been so cruel to me. Taehyung just did not trust me. But why? Why am I not worthy of his trust?