A Court of Death and Retribution

chapter 19

After getting filled in on the plan, Nyx winnowed Maeve and I to the edge of the forest while Rhysand winnowed Cassian and Feyre. Then, Azriel used the shadows to appear next to us with Gwyn and Adira. The nine of us used the trees to remain hidden while Azriel's spies searched the area. After a tight nod, we stepped into the clearing and advanced towards a place that I used to call home.

The plan was simple. Step one, search the cabin for any information regarding the Witches. Step 2, capture any of possible, along with my father to be questioned by Azriel. Step 3, go back to the River House and take a long nap.

I added step three to my own set of plans, the Mother knows I'll need a nice nap after this.

My heart was pounding in my chest as we all crept quietly closer to the cabin. I felt a little dizzy, but I needed to see the place again. I don't know why, but I did.

The wind whistled softly through the trees, reminding me of the cold days that my mother and I would sneak off to train.

My eyes caught on one of the trees closer to the cabin. Its wood was splintered, but healing slowly—another place my father had thrown my mother.

When we reached the door, everyone waited for me. Maybe they thought I would turn back or simply refuse to enter, but I had come this far.

A gentle caress against my mental walls told me that I would be okay. I took a deep breath, then turned the doorknob and opened the door.

It creaked ever so slightly—a sound that once caused me mind numbing fear, but I pushed through the awful memories and stepped inside.

It was cold and dark, but it seemed as though nothing had changed in the years I've been on the run. There were dead flowers in a vase on the table that my mother had so carefully tended to. A blanket that she made was draped carefully over the leather couch in front of the fireplace.

My mother's pillow that she let me use to sleep was still against the wall, untouched. I noticed how it still had the slight indentation of my head.

Cautious footsteps came from behind me.

"His study is through those doors. If he has any information on the Witches it would be in there." I willed my voice to sound confident—unaffected. The person behind me didn't say anything, but they slowly made their way to the study. I looked over to see Azriel slipping through the door followed by Rhysand.

"Is that where you slept?" Something like disgust and anger mixed with concern came from Nyx. I turned to face him and noticed that he was trying his hardest to fight off a grimace.

I nodded. "I didn't think he would keep the pillow there." I didn't know what to say.

Nyx looked to me, and I felt slightly embarrassed by the place that I grew up. He had two loving parents who gave him everything.

And I had...this.

Nyx noticed something beyond my shoulder, causing his expression to soften. "Did you do that?"

I turned around to see a drawing that I had made when I was a child. It was a crappy stick figure picture of the three of us. My mother held my gloved hand and my father stood next to my mother. I drew the trees in an amateur way, and the yellow sun was just a colored in circle in the upper right corner.

"That was when my father would hide the abuse from me. Before I knew just how corrupt he was. My mother bought me colored pencils for my birthday, but this was the only picture I drew before my father broke them and burned them in the fireplace." I smiled sadly at the picture.