The Dark Lady of The Sea

Chapter 13-You Just Do!

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I did a lot to finally be able to forget about those months.I was so young and scared.I didn't know what to do.This was mom and I's secret.

After I figured out I was pregnant,I went to my mom.We decided to stay on the ship until my bump started showing up.We lived on the land until I gave birth.

I was with Adrian back then and I used to love him.I used to love him a lot.That one night was a mistake of both of our young years.But the result wasn't.

She was beautiful.She had green eyes,just like me.I even named her.I named her Jade.She was the most perfect thing I have ever seen!

Although,my mother had other plans for Jade.Mom said she had to die.That I had to be the one to kill her.It was absurd!I didn't want to do it.But mom put too muc pressure on me!

It didn't make any sense,what happened,until my encounter with Pisinoe.Now,I understand why she asked me to do this.

If Jade was a boy,she could have been here.She could have been alive.But she wasn't a boy and she isn't here.She isn't alive!And it is all my fault!

After I gave birth and we came back to the ship,I was never the same.I pushed everyone away.Adrian,mom,dad and even Willow!

It took me so long to learn to live with this pain,guilt,regret,anger and self-loathe.Taking the life you brought to this world...Taking your own child's life...

There is no way to describe those times for me.There,still,hasn't been a day that I don't think about Jade.

I think about her when I wake up,when I prepare food,when I spend time and look after Willow,when I sing Willow to sleep...

But,I learned how to push it deep inside me.Slowly,I pushed it all to the deepest and darkest corners of my mind,heart and soul.

Seeing our picture with Jade,now?It felt like a thousand daggers through my heart.As if all those daggers were being turned inside me,torturing me.

I could not believe that mom kept this stuff.I could not believe that she never told me about any of this!

"How could you do this to me,mom?!How could you?!After you watched me suffer for years!How could you keep all of this?!"I picked it all up."I'm burning these."

I unlocked the lock and I sort of assumed he would be gone already but he was sitting at the chair behind the desk.Calmly,like I didn't lock him inside the whole night.

I turned my back at him to wipe it all away."There is no use,Nox.I already saw you."I rolled my eyes."I could still try."

"Or,you could just tell the truth."I shook my head."I have something to do.Later.""Burning stuff?"I turned around,just to find him standing right behind me,to find him towering over me.

"What did you just say?""I heard it all,Nox."He snatched the box out of my hands and put it somewhere far out of my reach."Give it back.""Yeah...I don't think so."

"Calder,this has nothing to do with you.It's not effecting you in anyway and it is entirely my business.So give it back."

"It became my business when you joined my crew.It became my business when I decided to keep you alive.Leverage or not,you are at my mercy,Nox.So it is my business too."

"No.It still isn't your business.""Tell me the truth,Nox!"I scoffed.He can keep the fucking box,I'm getting out of here.I am done with Calder's bullshit!

I went out to the deck and jumped off the ship.I swam as far and fast as I could.When I knew it was enough,I stopped.I kept crying.

As I cried under the water,my tears turned to all sorts of pearls.Both of my palms were filled with pearls and more was coming.I had enough and I screamed it all out.

I screamed with every ounce of strength left in me.However,as I screamed,I heard it all echoing back at me.But it wasn't me who was screaming and crying in pain.Not this time.

I could hear everything.Every scream of the fishes I disturbed,every wailing of a whale,every cry of the sirens from other colonies all over to glabe.I could hear them all,in pain!

Their pain brought me immense pain,as if my own pain wasn't enough.I kept crying and screaming and things just started getting worse.

I swam back tot he ship as fast as I could.I got on the deck and I was still in pain.My heart,my body,my soul...They ached in pain!I covered my ears as I wanted it to stop!

Voices,screams,cries,wails and sobs slowly faded away."Finally."I sighed in relief."Took you long enough to come back,Nox."I rolled my eyes.

"Awe...What happened?Did you hit your stupid tail?"I scoffed as I stood up from the ground I fell.His mocking tone annoyed me.

"If it'll make you shut up,I had to hear every single being under the water cry,scream and wail in pain because of me.And it turned into this vicious cycle,I had to come back."

I know how terrible my timing is right now.But,I so want to repeat a mistake I made and I want to repeat it now!"Calder,would you kiss me-"

I didn't even need to finish the question.He pulled me by the face and crashed his lips onto mine.He got me on the tip of my toes.

He made all the pain go away for a moment.My body,mind,soul and heart only ached to be closer to him.I was tugging onto his shirt as tightly as he was tugging on my body.

My entire mind turned into a swirl of overwhelming confusion,tears became impossible to hold.Calder really didn't want to stop but he did."I was wrong."

Not knowing what was going on,I just asked."Wrong about what?"He kissed me one more time."Later."He took a deep breath."Much later."

He let go of me and backed away."Go talk with Willow."Then,he just walked out on me."What if I don't want to talk with Willow?Then,what?"

I scoffed."What if I want to be able to trust you?!"He turned back at me with strong indignation."You want to trust me?"

"You killed my father and my mother.You made me kill my older brother.You threatened my life and Willow's life multiple times!You think I don't know how strange I sound,Calder?!I do!"

"You can't want to trust someone,Nox,you just do!You either trust me or you don't!There is nothing logical about trust!I learned all that the hard way.Seems like you will too!"

I sighed."Fuck it,then."I said it in a tone which he would think I was going to talk to him.But I just walked past him.

I went downstairs and laid next to Willow.He rolled over me and hugged me."Good night,Nox."I smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead."Good night,Willow."

I,eventually,fell asleep.However,I did not wake up next to Willow.I woke up in Calder's arms and embrace.As weird as it was,I undeniably did not want to leave here.