The God of Fake Boyfriends

The Attempt

*BUCKY'S POV*

A week had gone by and Steve told me Y/N hadn't left her room. Sam and Loki had been staying with her but they told Steve she hadn't even spoken to them. I was tearing myself apart with guilt but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. What would it matter? I couldn't give her what she wanted, what I so desperately wanted. The sooner she moved on from me, the better. So why was I trying so hard to think of how I could fix it?

I spent most nights replaying her "I love you." In my head. Why didn't I say it back? Every night going back and forth between I miss her so much, I need her. Right back to she's so much better off without me.

I heard a door open and someone walking towards the training room. I peaked around the corner and saw the doors shut.

"Jarvis, can you tell me who just went to the training area?"

"It looks like Miss Y/N, sir."

Nows my time. I can talk to her, apologize. Tell her I love her. Hopefully fix this. I paced back and forth in my room trying to figure out what to say to her. Eventually I said fuck it, I'll just talk and whatever happens, happens.

I walked in and she had headphones on, she had a rhythm with the punching bag and I froze looking at her. It had been so long since I've really seen her, and now here she was in her sports bra and shorts, looking as beautiful as ever.

Suddenly she stopped as she saw me. I opened my mouth to speak, taking a step towards her. I saw her eyes were filled with tears and I shut my mouth. Why did I think this was a good idea? I hurt her, I don't deserve to apologize. This was for me, not her. Steve told me how bad she was hurting and I expected that I could just apologize and she'd take me back? How selfish am I?

She suddenly broke into a run, barely passing me as she took off out through the door.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

After a while, things started to go back to normal. Other than Y/N and I. We don't talk, and hadn't been on a mission together, but that was about to change. Jarvis called us all to the meeting area, Steve started talking about our mission. It was Steve, Sam, Tony, Y/N, and I. We got our assignments and Steve told us we'd be leaving in the morning. I asked Steve if we could talk and he nodded. "Meet me in the kitchen, though. I gotta do something first."

I waited for him there. "What's going on Buck?"

"Y/N can't come on this mission, Steve. Ask Nat."

He sighed. "What are you talking about? Isn't it time we all move on? It's been long enough."

"Steve, there's no way she can come with us on this mission. It's too dangerous."

"She's done way worse with us, Buck." She crossed his arms.

"That was before... There's no trust here anymore, it's dangerous." I lowered my head. It was all my fault, but what's done is done.

Steve started to talk but was interrupted by Y/N. Neither of us noticed she was there. "No, he's right Steve. There isn't any trust. It would only be a danger to everyone out there. We can't be on a team together, we don't even speak. Don't worry, I'll request a transfer."

Steve walked towards her and grabbed her arm. "We don't want you to leave, Y/N. You're a part of this team."

"Please. We all know that if it came down to it, you'd chose Bucky over anyone. I get it, there's no reason to act like it's any different than it is. I'll request a transfer and hopefully be gone by the time you get back. It was nice working with you, Captain." She turned and left.

Steve pointed at me. "You need to fix this. I don't care how. We need her." And he left too. I sat there, alone. Trying to figure out how it got to this.