faith in You

9.

From the start, the tour was less than par. The shows were all scattered around, everyone was off their rocker due to the massive drug abuse that was starting to grow in the band; that and the internal turmoil that was happening between robert and simon, it wasn’t abnormal for the two to be at each other's throats every time they were around one another.

Robert had nearly drunk all the alcohol on the bus; and Simon well…. He wasn’t doing so hot either. Simon had started using drugs as well, to cope with the horrible tour. Simon was becoming almost as bad as Robert now, spending all his money on drugs and women; he had cheated on Carol multiple times now with random women Simon would find at a bar.

Robert was seething with anger now, watching as Simon fucked women every night; he was surprised Simon hadn't gotten a std yet. 

Currently, the band was at a run down venu; preparing to play their last show. It was a small tour, Robert guessed that Chris was planning a larger more extravaganza tour later on in the year; so he had that to look forward to. Robert was sitting in front of his mirror; gazing at his sunken features. Robert had lost the sparkle in his eyes, he wondered how he was even walking at the moment when his diet consisted of drugs and alcohol.

Robert took in a shaky breath, feeling uglier than medusa at the moment. Robert was surprised his reflection didn’t turn him to stone. “Utterly pathetic..'' Robert mumbled tirely, grabbing his half used lipstick and smearing it over his face in an uncaring manner. Robert felt ugly, so he put lipstick all over his eyes as well just to make himself look more ugly.

Robert huffed and carelessly tossed the lipstick back onto the table; standing up. Suddenly a knock on Robert's dressing room door startled Robert and he looked over, seeing that Chris had poked his head inside. “Hey, it’s time to go on….” Chris said, seeing Robert's face and stopping. “What the bloody hell is on your face robert?” Chris said bluntly, watching as Robert dragged himself to his feet; snatching a half empty bottle of jack daniel. “I dont know..” Robert slurred slowly, sliding past chris.

Chris watched as Robert skulked down the hallway, frowning. Chris was really starting to get concerned about robert-it seemed like he was never excited for anything anymore. Chris wasn’t stupid.  

Robert slowly dragged himself onto the stage, his tired eyes scanning across the uninterested crowd waiting for the band to start their setlist. Robert felt so terribly exhausted from this small tour; every time he picked up his guitar it felt like the world was crushing him into the ground. Robert was so uninspired and out of it; every show he would play it would be subpar. 

Slowly, Robert walked over to his guitar and picked it up, running his hand down the neck of the guitar before looking back to lol; who sat diligently at his drum kit, ready to at least TRY and give a decent show. Robert slowly turned to look at Simon, who was clad in tight leather pants that hugged his legs so nicely; Robert had to look away. 

Robert slowly trudged to the mic, feeling like the whole crowd was staring right at him. Robert wanted to vomit. Robert looked down at his feet, taking a peek at the setlist. The first song was the figurehead; how fitting. 

“Hello..” Robert said into the microphone, motioning for lol to start his piece. The figurehead always made robert’s heart ache, he didn’t know how he wrote such a hauntingly sad song- oh wait! Yes he did, he wrote it about with someone specific in mind.

As Robert was lost in thought, the song progressed and suddenly it was time to sing. Robert didn't know if he could do it- he wasn’t sure if he had the emotion. Despite that though, Robert opened his mouth and sang the vile words.

“Sharp and open Leave me alone And sleep less every night.. As the days become heavier and weighted, Waiting in the cold light. A noise and scream tears my clothes as the figurines tighten, With spiders inside them and dust on the lips of a vision of hellI-I laughed in the mirror for the first time in a year..”  Robert forced the words out, closing his eyes because he didn’t have the will to look at the crown.