faith in You

15

As the tour progressed; tension between the band continued to grow. Robert was rather strung out; basically playing for 2 tours for 2 bands. Robert never had time to himself, and it was obviously taking a toll on him. Being around the banshees was not very good for Robert's already suffering mental stability; the whole band liked to pick on Robert. They would do so until he either lost his cool and stormed out, or just drank too much alcohol and passed out on the ground.

The affairs of the cure weren't doing too well either, the tour was shit; there was a small turn out to all of their shows due to how poorly the public were taking the cure's album Pornography. Robert remembered reading a critic's review on it and feeling happy because what the critic wrote was exactly how Robert wanted this album to be perceived.

Each show that Robert played in, he could feel himself slipping deeper and deeper into his manic depression. Robert was sloppy now. He was cold and rotten; his insides burned with poison- and a good majority of the time Robert wanted to double over and spew all over the floor. Robert's brain was constantly blurred and fuzzy from the drug abuse and haunting memories that caused Robert's misery.

Tonight was no different. The cure AND the banshees each played a two hour show- and Robert had been subjected to each one's individual mental abuse. Robert hadn't had anything to eat, and his stomach was full of alcohol. Robert could barely stand properly on his feet- hell he couldn't even get words out of his mouth without slurring them into some nonsense jumble of words.

In his stupor as well, Robert also managed to quite literally piss everyone around him off with his belligerent ramblings. He didn't even remember what exactly he said to Chris to make him leave, or what he did to lol to make the curly haired bastard cuss him out. Robert didn't even HAVE to try to anger Simon; Simon was always pissed now. Robert didn't even remember the last time he saw Simon smile.

Robert vaguely remembers saying something to Souxie about being prettier than her and being a better singer; but that was enough to piss her AND budgie off. Robert didn't even know where Severin went, he didn't even care really. All Robert wanted to do was find more alcohol and drink away his misery.

And that's what Robert did as soon as the shows were over. As soon as souxie sang the last note of her stupid song Robert all but tossed his guitar down onto the ground and walked off stage. Robert left without uttering a word to anyone and stumbled down the street to the nearest pub; where Robert then proceeded to order a large bottle of vodka and pour himself shot after shot.

So now, Robert found himself sitting at a half empty bar at 1 in the morning, head in his arms and feeling like he would projectile vomit at any moment. Anyone could walk up to Robert at that moment and Robert wouldn't even realize it. Robert had fallen into his usual cycle of self loathing and rotten thinking, he hadn't even realized that the bartender was giving him nasty looks.

"Come on man... I've got to close up shop! I've got a family to go home to!" the barman hissed, tapping Robert's shoulder roughly; to get his attention. Robert lifted his head slowly and eyed the man, blinking a few times before grabbing his nearly empty bottle of vodka and standing up; nearly knocking over his stool in the process. "Fuck you" Robert slurred, flicking the barman off before turning around on his heel and stumbling to the door.

"Miserable bastard" the barman hissed under his breath, kicking out the rest of the people in his bar before locking the doors. Robert whipped his nose with the back of his hand, swaying on his feet before simply sitting down on the side of the road. Robert felt rather pathetic now, he was lost, had no money on him to pay a taxi and couldn't call anyone for help.

All Robert had was his bottle- and Robert would be damned if someone tried to take it from him.

"Fucking hell.." Robert sighed, robbing his eyes before laying his head on his arms and resting there. Robert could have fallen asleep right then and there; he almost did actually, until he felt someone touch the top of his head. Robert jumped and lifted his head, squinting in the dark light. "Who- was..'' Robert slurred, his vision warping due to his intoxication. Robert felt two hands rest on his shoulders and nudged him forward a bit, "come on then, stand up you drunkard" the person said, helping Robert to his feet.

Robert didn't know who was helping him, he didn't know if he cared really. All Robert could do was stumble into their open and waiting arms and allow them to sweep him away to who knows where to do who knows what. All Robert knew was that this person smelled familiar, and therefore he gave in completely.

*******

When Robert woke up, he found himself at the hotel where Chris had rented rooms for the band to rest. It was their first day off in months, and the first thing Robert did was jump out of bed and rush to the bathroom to blow chunks into the toilet. After spending about 15 minutes in the toilet and another 45 minutes in the shower still dressed in his clothes; Robert peeled his soggy clothes off his body and slumped back into bed where he slept for another 3 hours.

Robert was sleeping like a log until someone very rudely unlocked his door and walked in without even asking. "Robert- Chris wants you" Simon's gruff voice woke Robert from his sleep, Robert groaned and buried his face into his pillow; unwilling to get up. "Why." Robert said into the pillow, not caring if Simon saw that he was naked. Robert's ass was covered by the blanket, so anything important was hidden.

"Hell if i should know, the bastard woke me up to wake you up- now fucking go talk to him so i can go back to sleep" Simon hissed, but he was ignored once more by Robert, who simply turned his back to Simon and curled up into a ball. "Mn." Robert hummed, rubbing his eyes until he heard footsteps drawing closer to the bed.

Robert opened his eyes and looked up, seeing Simon glaring at him from the foot of the bed. Robert narrowed his eyes and rolled onto his back, sitting up on his elbows before eyeing Simon. "What. like what you see?" Robert hissed, his eyes dark with hatred. Robert watched as Simon's expression hardened and he smirked, laying flat on his back and draping his arms over his head. "Thought i was just a used piece of meat, from the way you're looking at me i'd think you'd want a bite" Robert hissed, watching as Simon's body stiffened.

There was a moment of silence until Simon clicked his tongue and turned around, "for fucks sake, stop being a slut for one moment and fucking act like an adult" Simon hissed bitterly, walking to the door. "I'm sending Chris in to talk to you- I don't want to listen to him bitch and complain about you.'' Simon hissed cruelly glaring at Robert over his shoulder.

"So you might want to get dressed." Simon spat before slamming Robert's door behind him. Robert let out a heavy hearted sigh before closing his eyes and listening as Simon's heavy footsteps faded away. Robert laid his arm over his eyes before a fit of bitter laughter came over him. This was all too funny to be real, Robert was convinced this was nothing but a shitty dream.

Robert just wanted to escape.